Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

I hate hurting everyone

Community Member
I have recently left my husband after 27years of being together. In fact I've been with him longer than I've been without him. I love him. But have fallen out of love. We have 3 kids 19, 18 and 15. Because I didn't feel anything for him for about 5 or so years I started to look elsewhere just to feel something. It's not something I'm proud of and I hate that I hurt him like that. And now I've hurt my kids by leaving. We share them 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. That was six months ago. Now I'm seeing someone else and I'vee had to tell the kids this and it feels like I'm reopening the wound all over again. They are my world and I hate that I'm hurting them. I cry all the time. Even at work I'll just break down. I just want my family back together again. And happy. It feels like I was happier being the only unhappy one. I'm such a disappointment to them.
I don't know what advise you have. I'm just trying to work it all out in my head. I can't sleep and I'm just laying here crying. Thought it would be a bit therapeutic to write it down. It has helped a little bit. Just don't know what to do. My babies are hurting and it's all my fault
1 Reply 1

Community Member
Hi Jaluso,

I certainly understand what you’re going through. I’ve recently separated from my wife because of a complete lack of passion and love. We were together for 19 years. I have 2 children aged 13 and 11. I hate the idea of hurting them.
I determined that the only thing I can really do is be true to myself. Do what would ultimately make me happy. I needed to feel a spark with someone. Someone that would truly love me for who I am. Not who they wanted me to be. I don’t know if you can relate to this at all, but I guess you just have to work out what aspects of the relationship were lacking.
I certainly wouldn’t recommend getting back together because you feel guilty. Instead you should only get back together if you know what the problem was, and you know you can fix it together.
It is so easy to get lost focusing on the negatives and worry about the future. Your kids will be fine, and they will be even better when you find your happiness. Interrogate yourself... what will make you truly happy? Don’t say you don’t know. You know deep down, if your honest with yourself. Don’t be ashamed. Being the brave one and initiate the change is nothing to be ashamed of.
To move forward you need to focus on all the things you need to be grateful for. Write these things down and have them handy if you start to feel the negativity show. Write down the future things that will make you happy. Doing this will start to mend the soul, and give you hope for the future. Hope is critical in these situations.

All the best