I feel like my life is a house of cards and it’s falki apart

[Leigh_17]

I’m a fake, I always do and say the right things to everyone, at work, at home, while my brain is screaming out things I really want to say but I don’t because I’m the good one. But I’m not. I’m getting really sick of listening to my family’s constant problems, I feel like I’m going to snap and destroy this fake person I am. And my husband, we have been together since I was 15, I love him but have so much anger and hatred for over the years he has broken my trust so many times, he is a control freak and everybody loves him and thinks I’m the crazy wife. Atm he spends nearly every night outside working on his car or drinking beer in front of a fire, once I would of cared but now I’m glad he isn’t spending time with me. This is not what marriage is supposed to be, I feel like we want different things out of life , I love him but how can this be love? I feel like it’s easier to die than having to deal with my families problems and my own problems are just to much.

[Croix]

Dear Leigh 17~

Living with a dominating and selfish husband corrodes the soul. I read your post from over a year ago and even then things were pretty bad. Keeping quiet does too, pretending to be someone on the outside, it is exhausting and makes one feel trapped and worthless.

You are right, marriage should not be like that. I've been very lucky, good marriages do happen. Starting out at 15 you were very young, and no life experience. I doubt you would go the same way given the chance now.

I've thought my problems could not be solved and killing myself the way to stop things. I've found it only really takes one thing to change for life to seem different - and miles better.

Can I ask what you would like to happen? Your family stop bugging you? Separate from your husband? Simply be calmer and happier? Maybe getting out more for an interest of yours? I'd like it know what you think.

Do you have anyone you can talk too? I realize like so many of his type your husband puts on a front that fools people, is there anyone that sees though him apart from yourself?

Croix

[Leigh_17]

My best friend new what my husband was like sadly she passed away. My daughters 24, and 16, I’m happy they talk to me but there constant problems are non stop and I feel the weight of there problems crushing me, I feel I take on all of there problems as my own. And my husband, I don’t know I’m very confused as to what love is. He is a good man who does lots of good things but he has a temper and we are definitely not equals in the relationship. When I talk to him, he gets me thinking all these problems are in my mind

I love and hate my husband all at the same time 💔 I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to disappoint my family, that’s why I sometimes think it’s easier to die then disappoint them, we have a very nice family image

[Croix]

Dear Leigh 17~

I'm sorry your friend passed away, but I'm glad you knew her. It's important to realize your husband did not impress everyone. He may have good traits but that habit of making you think you are responsible and doubt yourself is poison. Over time for some reason it becomes more and more believable until no perspective is left.

Having children that talk to you is a fine thing and worth a lot. Nevertheless you need boundaries, to realize that while parents help where they can it is the kid's problems, and they really do have find answers - you are being consumed.

If you played back the latest problem in your mind what do you tihnk you might have said so you did not take over to fix things? Relying on mum can so easily become a habit, with adulthood it really does need to be a two way street. That's one reason you are having trouble, three people have put their weight on you, and not surprisingly you are buckling.

A nice family image? You are a caring, patient and self-sacrificing person, but you are not an inexhaustible well of strength, nobody is. You are important and deserve things to be so much better.

Apart from your friend who sadly is no longer with you is there anyone else who sees things as they are and is there for you? I'd suggest even if it is to get some perspective that counseling would be good. What do you think?

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Leigh, I'm also so very sorry for your friend passing away, but from what I can see from what you've told us is that there's a shield covering you, in other words, you're pretending to tell people and family that there isn't anything wrong with you, while you are screaming out for help and nobody can recognise this.

The word 'love' involves so many definitions because two people who don't actually get on can still love each other, even though they're not living together.

At the moment your girls are talking to you but you don't have the strength nor inclination to help them, simply because you aren't strong enough, that's not your fault because it could have been slowly happening over time from different circumstances.

With your husband he does good things but he has a temper so I wonder whether this is what has caused you to be like you are.

I want to suggest seeing your doctor, but you need to make a decision about whether you're happy or not staying together, that's why I hope you can get back to us.

Best wishes.

Geoff.