Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

I feel like I’ve had to accept marriage isn’t going to happen

Community Member

I am 26 (27 in 2 months) he is 27. He lives at home still with his parents and I was out of home but decided to move back with my Dad so I could save for a house so basically both me and my partner don't get no real privacy or be treated like adults.
We have always done long distance been together for 2 years this November so we only see each other on the weekends. We had planned on moving forward and myself moving to his city. This was back in November 2018 where I put my transfer form in (I can transfer with my work) and that was unknown how long it would take. My partner has since swapped jobs 3 times and still is job searching and is never happy and now is money struggling and he finally admitted it was to much pressure for him so I took my transfer out and we would wait again.
I feel like since this has happened I feel like it wasn't only the transfer form I took away but my chance of marriage and kids...I have this thing even before my partner I wanted to be married before I was 30 otherwise I wouldn't want to at all and I feel like we won't live together til I'm nearly 27.7 years old and he probably won't propose for a few years which means it won't happen and then I'll have to be pushing kids out when I'm in my mid 30's.
I see other couples who haven't been together nearly as long as us and already pregnant or engaged and everytime I see this it makes me feel like we won't ever move forward. He keeps promising me it'll all work out but I just don't know my depression is eating me alive because of this and he cracks up when I say if I'm not engaged by this time next year (I'll be 27.5 ) then I won't accept anything later. Has anyone else been similar to me or is it just me?
My plans were to start studying nursing when I'm in my 30's not only getting married and having kids. I feel like because I have to wait for him why should I do his timeline and not mine? Help I don't know why I'm stuck on this and constantly thinking about it making myself feel worse.

Just to be clear my partner wants to get married and doesn’t see age an issue.

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi SparklySushi,

Welcome to the forums. I hope you find some support here.

That sounds like a really difficult situation. Good on you two for maintaining your long distance relationship! They can be really tough.

I also felt pressure to have kids before I turned 30. Looking back I am not sure why. I am now in my 30s and have a beautiful little boy. Those few extra years made absolutely zero difference.

My partner and I also waited a while before we moved in together. We were together for 4 years before we moved in together and it was another 3 years before we had a baby. Yes some of our friends moved faster then us, but I liked that we had a solid foundation and knew everything about each other before we made that commitment.

Is there a reason why you can't start nurse training now? You can always take a maternity break if that happens in between. It might help to feel like you are moving forward with something.

Have you considered also seeing a psychologist or counsellor? It might help to talk it through with someone in person.

Kind thoughts, Jess