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I feel like I have made a huge Mistake

ChadC2018
Community Member

I'll try to keep this short.

I have been friends with a girl for 8 years now. And I've started to develop feelings for her in the last 2 years.

Now only just recently has she started to ignore me, or message me back. And I realised it was because I was a bit much for her. Which I do totally understand.

So I tried giving her space for a month or two. I asked her if it would be okay if I talk to her after uni exams. She did say yes. Now I'm pretty sure that after that point I screwed up heaps.

She did manage to get angry at me. Tried being nice as possible though saying I should have given her space. But the problem was my grudge for her not talking to me for months kicked in, and I got a bit mad about that.

The next day what made me very upset was a forum that she admin's. I was told to slow down on my positing overwise I would be blocked. I was pretty offended with that.

That was when I un-friended her, and Blocked her on facebook. I have since then apologised twice for that.

Now when she blocked me on instagram I did get hurt. Because she was a really good friend to me, and I felt very rejected. So I can understand where she was coming from.

I made the mistake of saying "Goodbye" to her on facebook. "I said it was probably for the best", and if she didn't want me to be in her life i was okay with that. Trying to sound nice. I still feel like I hurt her feelings big time.

Ever since then I'm regretting what I said to her every day, and It is affecting me at work as well, as my boss can see it.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I feel like I want to send her a letter to apologise but I think that would make things even worse. Or say How I really feel, and how this is affecting me right now.

Personally I really wish we just talked about it. As I feel like both of us have issues with each other. Personally I feel like she does not have feelings for me. Which I'm okay with but I'm pretty upset that a good friendship was ruined over me being this stupid.

Do you think distance away completely will help settle this????

2 Replies 2

Mr_Jay
Community Member

Hi, Your thread caught my eye as I am a person that often feels like I make mistakes in my relationship. Telling people how you feel. Even when it is someone you trust can be incredibly difficult. You might feel like you have everything to lose by taking action and that distance and separation is the only secure path, but in reality you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by being honest with this girl. She may not feel the same way about you that you do about her, but by opening up a conversation on the subject you will at the very least know where you stand and what the limits to your relationship can be. This may actually relive some of your anxiety in the long term even if it is a disappointing outcome in the short.

It may also help to give her a window to tell you how she is feeling. She may feel intimidated and unsure of how to start a conversation if she doesn't have the same feelings you do and is reading into your feelings and unsure of what you seek in the relationship with her.

If you do nothing you could be letting a good friendship slip away and that would be a shame. I doubt very much she would want to lose you as a friend. I would suggest drafting a letter. In it include a clear timeline from the beginning of the letter to the end tracking how you have felt since things started to erode in a chronological order. Explain how she has hurt your feelings in a non accusing way and how that has effected your reactions to her. Defiantly apologize for hurting her feelings and acknowledge when you think you hurt her, but explaining how you have been feeling is important for healing the friendship as well. Finally end by telling her where you want to go with the friendship/relationship. Let her know that if she doesn't have feelings for you thats ok. That you don't want to lose a treasured friendship because a relationship is not meant to be. I think if you know for sure how she feels it will allow you to move forward with her as a friend and move on elsewhere romantically if she doesn't have feelings for you.

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi ChadC2018,

We understand you're feeling upset and need some support right now.

When seeking support on the forums, we really encourage members to use one thread rather than starting new ones. It's really difficult for the community to keep up with your story if you have multiple threads going at once, and you may find yourself having to repeat information if your story is spread across the forum. There's a lot of value in seeing how someone's story evolves over time, and when facing a new crisis it's helpful to scroll back and see how you've coped previously.

We're going to go ahead and close this discussion and invite you to jump back into your previous thread here: Hi Guys - Need Help - Would really appreciate it 🙂