I DONT UNDERSTAND MY HUSBANDS CHEATING...
Welcome to the forums, and thank you for sharing your story. I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling with your relationship at the moment. It must've been quite an emotional rollercoaster ride for you when you found out what your husband was doing, and your feeling of frustration of trying to understand what and why did he do that is completely valid.
While I'm not a professional relationship counsellor or anywhere close to that, I hope you wouldn't mind listening to my perspective on this matter. I feel a relationship is formed when both couples do their best to meet each other's needs. It's a never ending journey of team work and support between the couples, and they'll do their best to work through conflicts and come to a mutual agreement. But when one partner feels that their needs aren't met by the other partner, they would seek that fulfilment elsewhere. It is possible for emotional and sexual needs to be separated, even though they both are generally bundled up together (some people take sex as a way of spiritually bonding with the person whom they're in love with on an emotional level. Some may just take it as a way to fulfill their sexual desires).
With that said, you mentioned that you have two kids and recently that you've been very occupied by them. I can understand having kids can be very handful, especially when you have more than one. The role of a mother is a very hard role, and I admire your ability to fulfill that role for your kids. A mother's priorities would change depending on the kids and family, and it gets really hard for a mother to balance between the role of a lover to their husband, and a mother who cares for their kids and family.
It's very noble of your husband to be going to extreme lengths to show how committed he is to you. He may be feeling a heavy sense of guilt for doing such a thing, but also confused on what he wants, and needs some time to discover that. Perhaps, take some time to talk to him about it, listen and validate his needs while communicating yours as well. I feel your reasons for neglecting him when he tried reaching out to you, is a valid reason (maybe too busy with kids or house chores, and just too tired at the end of the night?).
Hopefully that perspective may help you understand your husband a bit more. Happy to chat more to you as well Syliva0071.
This must have been one of the hardest things to ever happen to you and your are not alone. After reading your post, for him to feel neglected and then to return home to his family, be openly honest with you straight up, block the woman and give you full access to his mobile device, shows how sorry and remorseful he is in his bad behaviour and mistakes, It is extremely rare for someone to be that honest and remorseful.
In saying this, it's your choice to take his word and to grow with him and you should be able to see this through his willingness, his transparency and love.
I believe, from what you have said, that your husband really does love you but that is for you to determine - I think you already know.
Hi Syliva 0071,
Your husband was clearly having an emotional affair, which he has confessed to and you are aware of. To me it sounds as though it also crossed over into a physical affair that night and is the most logical reason for the overnight stay. If he came to his senses and decided he didn’t want to have it, he would have gotten the hell out of there in that moment. It sounds to me as though something happened and he came to his senses afterwards. Not that it entirely matters, depending on whether you see an emotional affair as better than a physical affair or just two sides of the same coin.
but I do think that couples can survive affairs, particularly if they act the way your husband is now i.e an apology or acknowledgement that they stuffed up followed by changed behaviour. I consider affairs in long-term relationships to be different to those where you discover the person has been living a lie. It’s most often borne from neglect and a desire to feel wanted. We all have that desire. He doesn’t sound like a bad guy, but someone who made a mistake and is owning that. I hope that you can both find a way to move forward
Hello Syliva, and a warm welcome to the forums.
I am also sorry that you have had to encounter a situation like this, but fortunately, your husband has come clean and now blocked her number and whatever happened the first night may have only been a case of having too much alcohol, although that's still no excuse, instead of realising a problem exists and making an appointment with his doctor.
The problem is that sometimes an emotional feeling can form with another person who seems as though they want to help, but there has to be a time when they know they have to walk away, and that's what your husband has done.
What can happen is the belief that someone who is attractive can solve his problems is a misdemeanour, it only creates more problems than mandrake, but thankfully he has owned up and now would be the time for the two of you to consult your doctor who can then direct you in the appropriate direction.