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I don’t want my partner to join the navy

Community Member
Hey so, my partner is in his last few weeks of recruit school for the navy. I’ve really struggled while he’s been gone and my anxiety has become so overwhelming. I hate the instability of it all and not knowing where we’ll be posted and if he’ll be deployed etc. I’ve had to start taking anti depressants just so I’m not so miserable all the time. I’ve come to the conclusion that this lifestyle is not for me, but I love my partner so much and I do see a future with him. I expressed my concerns to my partner and he said he would rather leave than to lose me but I would feel a tremendous amount of guilt if he did that. He said he has other career choices that would be better for us but im scared his family will resent me for being the reason that he leaves. I know it’s his decision but it would be based off my feelings and I don’t know if that’s fair on him. He signs his contracts next week so we have to come to a decision. I love him more than anything and I just want an outcome that’s going to make us both happy. But I don’t know what that outcome is
1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi c1698 and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Thank you for sharing your story. I understand exactly how you are feeling at the moment. I’m not a health professional, but am able to share some of my own experiences which may help.

Decision making is often anxiety provoking for me. I think this is because I ‘need to be in control’, ‘want to make the right decision’. I’ve learnt over time this is not at all helpful to a good life.

I have anxiety, depression and PTSD. Much of my anxiety stems from triggers, though in recalling my life, I remember the anxiety when in one job I spent, every day having to make decisions - all day long. Wow, it was the most stressful job I’ve ever had. Not the hardest job, but the most stressful.

Some things to think about while trying to work out what to do:

  • what’s the worst that could happen if you made the wrong decision? E.g. you continued your relationship with your partner who joins the Navy. Your thoughts about what will happen may become a self fulfilling prophecy. Why not look at his joining as an opportunity for both of you? To see different places, meet new people, opening up career opportunities for yourself?
  • break off the relationship? I’d be left wondering if things could have been okay. I’d be annoyed with myself that I let the opportunity for a great life go because I was fearful of the unknown.

Not sure how much this helps c1698. Just trying to give you some other ways of looking at it.

Kind regards