I don't like where I am in life anymore.

BecH · ‎28-08-2017

My title might sound alittle 'cup is half empty' then 'half full' sounding in my situation but simply put i just don't like who i seem to be or where i am in life anymore. Don't get me wrong there's things in my life i like or are fine. I have a cruisy job with good perks. My partner of 10 years is my fav person in the whole world, i love him completely and he loves me and our time together is when i really feel like i am happy. Its everything else i'm not sure about. 2017 is a 1 year in numerology and that aparently means 'new beginnings'. It was earlier this year i started questioning my friendships. I can honestly say now i don't know if i actually like any of the people i call 'friends' anymore (most of these are through a sport i play as a hobby). So much so that i constantly make excuses to not hang out with them. In saying that i have made some new acquaintances through a new hobby i have recently started in addition to my sport and much prefer to hang with them instead or even my partners friends. We used to travel alot in my sport and i no longer want to do that anymore (would rather save the money to go on trips with my partner and travel the world). I don't even know if i enjoy going to training anymore though i still enjoy the sport itself (there are no other clubs in the area for this sport to join though if its the club that's the problem). I used to go to the gym alot and i have since cancelled my membership and prefer to go for walks by myself instead. I'm viewed as kind of a punk looking chic with piercings and dark clothes but recently have considered taking some of them out and have bought a ton of new natural looking clothes. My partner and i went to Japan earlier this year (2nd time) and he said he would love to move there and to begin with i was like NO WAY would i leave my life here but then i really thought about it and (i looked into this) if it was so simple to move over there, i would in a heartbeat with him. When i think about how beautiful the place is and how i wish i could live there I sometimes cry. I don't know who i am or want to be anymore. A girl i used to consider a friend said at the beginning of this year "its ok you're just growing out of where you are in your life right now. change is fine" but i seriously don't know where or what I want to be. I feel sad and lost sometimes.

james1 · ‎29-08-2017

Hello BecH,

I'm 25 at the moment and you've so accurately described the last few years of my life.

Where I used to jump at the opportunity to go hang out with friends for fear of missing out, I now just prefer to do my own thing. It's not a bad thing, but it can be really weird and it can feel like something's wrong.

All I'd say is that we change as people.

Think of all the foods you used to hate as a child - do you still hate all of them? What about the ones you used to love - how do those taste now?

I know food and lifestyle are two very different things, but how change affects us is pretty similar. We've all had that experience of doing something again, or going somewhere again, after years away. It doesn't have the same magic as it used to, and it's pretty disappointing.

So I'd say definitely keep trying to find who you are. It's really rewarding but it's also really tough, so don't be afraid to talk to people about how you're struggling with that. We're here to listen, and it sounds like your partner's friends would be really supportive and understanding as well. It's okay to be distressed right now. You're lost, but you're also trying to find yourself again.

James

BecH · ‎11-09-2017

Thanks James, I feel like that too. I always used to have a fear of missing out. I hated when i ended up being over booked to several things on the one day because i would have to miss out on one and i didn't want to. I felt if i wasn't there something would happen and i would be out of the loop. (This did happen to me in primary school and high school a couple of times and i have had the fear ever since.) I dont really care anymore. Maybe thats finally overcoming it. Maybe ive just grown out of it. Anyway i know over time my food likes and dislikes changed and changing is a perfectly normal part of life but it seems like its happened so suddenly. Like each day i wake up and just think about something else one after the other 'i hate this now! its gross and i dont like it'. but yeh

james1 · ‎15-09-2017

Hello Bec,

It does sound like you've 'grown out of it'. If it does make life easier and isn't harmful, it does sound like it's a good thing for you.

A lot of change at one time can be scary and unpleasant. If you are struggling with this, a lot of people go see a counsellor or even their GP to have a chat about how they're going. You haven't said you suspect depression or anxiety, but even stress is often a reason to go have a chat to someone.

Just something to think about. It's an option you can take if you like.

Hope things are going a bit better for you.

James