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I don't know what I should do now

Community Member

Today I made the decision that my husband and I would begin being separated. We have been married for 6.5 years (together for 8.5) and we've made it through hurdles before but now it feels we have run out of steam. Neither one of us cares much about what the other says or does. Every conversation  ends in an argument. He has a drinking problem. I have anxiety. We both have depression. His has hit hard this year especially when changing jobs. On the outset, he is in a better place, less toxic and actually enjoys work now. I'm less depressed this year and working on my social anxiety. 

But we don't have energy to support each other anymore. We've given all we can. And now we are walking on egg shells everyday. Today we finally admitted that we can't do this anymore. 

I've moved into the spare room. I'm not going to fight about who loves where. I don't care anymore. I just want to be happy. 


I guess, I just don't know what to do from here. I'll move my things into the spare room over this week. But then what? 

How long do i stay under the same roof for? When do we go to mediation? 

My biggest concern is leaving our dogs. We have two. And I know he will fight to have them. I don't want to fight. But I don't want to not have them. They are my babies and have been by side through everything. 


There's the housing crisis as it is, so even if I move out, it's unlikely I'll find anywhere that will let me have dogs for the weekend or every fortnight.... 

I don't know what to do. 

What are the steps you took after separation? 

I'm mainly asking for those who were the one to leave the home, what did you do? How long? Did you do mediation? Did things become amicable? 


I know my husband is petty, and he will take shots wherever. I really can't see him being mature about this. He's been throwing divorce in my face for the last 2 years whenever we have a fight but he has never been the one to leave or raise concerns. He just pretends everything is fine. I'm dealing with someone very manipulative, deflects, plays victim, and who is very good with words. 

I don't know if any of that makes sense. I just need someone to talk to.

1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hello Number 99 😄

I guess your a Get Smart fan from years back too lol.

Married for six years? This is not very long, it sounds like you are so busy sorking and once home are too tired to make an effort? I remember feeling same but if not, it sounds like you are both bored. I guess living with someone close for a long time life can be boring if there is no fun but do you share time together with your dogs on walks and the odd picnic if any. Can you remember why you both married? What were your goals then. If you can just stick it out for your love of the dogs sakes, you both may get use to it. I would not leave unless it becomes tense. Hope in time things improve for you.