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I didn't bond with my son and now I feel lost

ACK
Community Member
Hi needing some support and reassurance. ever since my son was born I have felt I never bonded with him, I have daughter from a previous relationship and I am extremely close to her, with my son I don't feel I have the same bond as i have with my daughter. I feel that everyone is against me. It started when I gave birth to my son and we were living with the in-laws, previous to that I had my own place and was independent. When I gave birth to my son at the hospital the MIL suggested me to go home just 4hrs giving stating that its unhygenic, so she had her connection at the hospital and so we left, I was just a blind mice listening to her, I come from an asian background and so does my partner, this should have been the red flag for me, but i was happy that my inlaws were happy. Than about the first few nights they would take my newborn son from our bed to theirs to sleep with them saying you need some rest, you need to sleep, I felt powerless as I have never experienced this situation before and coming from a asian backgraound I was raised to respect and never talk back. I felt heartbroken and very sad, I told my partner after he watched them take him from us that night and told him I can't sleep without him I feel very sad and i was teary expecting for him to stand up for me towards his parents and get him back but he didn't and so everytime they took him I felt so alone like I new he wouldn't do anything and everytime i think about it hurts me I missed my chance to bond with him. There were times were my son would cry at night and cough and she would come in the room and accuse us of not loving him and not looking after him and she would take him away, those times I would just leave the room and sleep next to my daughter leaving my partner to argue with her. The final toll when they had friends come over and my son would just go to her and call her and her friends were curious and the MIL said he doesn't call for mum, it really hurts me all the time. So we moved out and now we deal with the inlaws sleeping over at times and my son always wants to sleep to with them and it hurts me. Now that we pay rent and my partner decided to go back to Uni I am stuck working full time to part time hrs and my partner is mostly home with our son, he is 3 and half years old I really don't feel a connection I am so hurt I dont know what to do, I am tired, exhausted, I cant to talk to my partner because it will just end up in a fight, I feel really really lost
2 Replies 2

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello ACK, I can tell from your comment how dreadfully sorry you are for this to happen from the beginning, it shouldn't have been allowed in the first place, but you weren't to know what the future would hold.
Thankfully your son is still very young and this can change over a little time, because what I would be doing is to restrict coming over only when your son is asleep, and for your MIL not to go into his room, you now live in Australia and your rules are your rules.
This however isn't going to stop her from coming over while you're at work, but this is where your husband has to be honest with them and respect your wishes.
As I've said 3 1/2 years old is where your son will definitely be able to change his love for you, as I've got a 3 1/2 year old granddaughter and if my son/DIL don't want her to do something they put their foot down, be strong with your MIL and demand she respects your life. Geoff.

ACK
Community Member
Thanks Geoff