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Husband not interested in sex or any sort of intimacy

Community Member

I've been married for 13 years, and my husband has no interest in me. I don't know what to do anymore I just can't handle it anymore. He has rejected my advances for years but he now physically turns away from me . If I try to hug him in bed he rolls over away from me. I want nothing more then to touch him and please him sexualising. I'm overweight and I don't blame him for not wanting me but it doesn't stop me from wanting him. I have PCOS and had a miscarriage a few years ago. I wanted kids so badly and would still do anything to have some with him, but unfortunately we are too old now. The day I lost our baby was the day I lost my husband. I Cant get him to understand my need for intimacy its been 3 years since we have had sex and that was a one time thing. Before that we didn't have sex for 9 years. I love him and don't want to give up on our marriage but he refuses to talk about anything that actually means something and just fobs me off. He stays out watching t.v to all hours of the night so he doesn't have to worry about me touching him. I keep trying to talk to him but he just isn't interested. I feel so worthless. I just can't see the point anymore

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

hello and welcome.


I'm really sorry to read what you are going through in your marriage. It sounds incredibly painful and lonely to yearn for intimacy and connection with your husband, only to have him reject and avoid you.


Also ... losing your baby several years ago must have been devastating. Grief can strain even the strongest relationships. I wonder of three is unresolved grief around that loss?


Have you considered seeing a counselor, even if on your own, to process everything that had happened? Even if your husband does not want to, your going might prompt him to reconsider. I don't know. 


Your worth is not defined by your husband's rejection or your fertility struggles. You deserve to feel loved, valued and heard - by your husband and most importantly yourself. I know it's hard, but don't internalize his distance as a reflection on your worthiness.


Listening if you want to talk more.... 

Community Member

Hi amycam

I'm struggling with a similar issue but from the other side. My wife of a few years, but we have been together about 15, had PCOS when we met. And still has the weight issues associated with that. But thats actually a preference for me so not an issue. We struggled with that and had three children and many many miscarriages and disappointment along the way. After the first child was born I can safely say that the intimacy was turned off. Not completely but the idea that she would initiate anything, that was gone. On a basic level we appear to have the same issue. Because for the last four years since the final birth it's like my function has been served. No matter what I do or say. I can't seem to break through a barrier between us that she put up. The only thing that comes back through is functional, you know what I mean. Daily tasks to be done and maybe some gossip. But never intimacy. And like you being "the initiator" all the time, and always the rejected one leaves that cold feeling we are both familiar with. I have the same issue. I love her deeply but find myself asking "what now?"  "So is this it then?". I'm not necessarily talking about sex either, I'm sure you know what I mean.  Just to get that connection with them again you know? And not having that fear of being rejected in the back of my mind. I think I'm talking about trust or love or something like that. This can't be all there is can it? I have read and watched so much stuff and have tried some things, but I'm doing something wrong.  I just want to turn this around. Would love to talk more about this to see if we can find a way to bring down that barrier. You're not alone in this. You really aren't.