Several years ago, mum got bladder cancer. She ultimately survived but the journey for the next few years was incredibly stressful. I live with mum, so I'm a carer somewhat too. During this time, my elder brother and his wife virtually stopped talking to us. He used to ring every week, then it was every few months. His wife stopped talking altogether. Throughout this period I suffered several mental breakdowns as a result of the ongoing stress with no support, bearing in mind my dad had died of cancer in 2016. At times, I was even mocked and made fun of for struggling to cope, such was the lack of empathy for me. I eventually got counseling with several counsellors and charities to help get me better.
But the general consensus was that I had developed a panic disorder and mild PTSD as a result of the relentless stress I was under to both look after mum's physical and mental health all by myself. As such there is now a massive gulf in the relationship between my brother and mum and I. He never once bothered to ask how I was doing and his wife has never once asked how mum was going. At the height of mum's treatment he was more concerned about what financial handouts he could get from mum rather than supporting either of us. His response to all of this was that "I have my own family."
So my question is, given that he is trying to make amends, and given that he won't accept any criticisms we make of him, how does anyone forgive someone for this behaviour? We no longer see his kids (maybe once a year if we're lucky), no longer get any updates, pictures, news, etc. It's like we are problems not people. The last few years have been so stressful, not just because of mum's cancer treatment, but the amount of stress they have incoporated into both our lives because we both had the expectations that he would be there for us, and he simply turned his back on us. How does someone cope with this?
