Hi, my name is Pipsy and I am nearly 64. I've been married nearly 25 years and I'm so fed-up and down in the dumps. Can anyone help? please.

pipsy · ‎30-10-2014

I was abused my by own family as a child and now I feel as though it's starting again. My husband knows about my past but says I have to 'rise above it', easy for him. His parents have been very nasty to me and I feel everytime he visits them (often), he's rewarding them for hurting me. I've tried to explain this to him, but he 'switches' off. What can I do to overcome this 'betrayal' feeling?

pipsy · ‎21-01-2015

Hi, Pip here. Looks like N.Z may have to be postponed. I went to my G.P to find out about this rash above my left eye. He's taken a biopsy, thinks it may be cancer in which case it'll have to be burned or iced off. Won't know till next week. If it's cancer, he says he wants to check me over for more signs. There's a history of skin cancer on my mother's side of the family. Can't make any long term plans till I know what's happening. The only positive thing: L wanted to go on a picnic next week, feeling the way I do about him, that was the last thing I wanted. At least I don't have to come up with an excuse why I don't want to go. I don't have any desire to go anywhere or do anything with him. Don't want a blazing row about it, this way, there won't be one. Through my work with the councilor, I am starting to feel very sorry that he's so emotionally attached to his parents. It is as much their fault as his, he doesn't know how to 'cut the umbilical cord', and they don't want to. How he's ever going to stand on his own two feet when they die is his problem. We live together, that's it as far as I'm concerned. Geoff, please know I'm here for you as you were for me. Luv P.

geoff · ‎22-01-2015

dear Pipsy, that's what we didn't want to hear, damn it, I'm so very sorry for you, NZ won't be going anywhere, so please make sure that he checks you all over, and on a regular basis.

Wit regard to L he was never strong enough to stop the continual contact with m/d, so virtually they own him, and now it's too late.

I will have my fingers crossed for you.

All the best and take care. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎22-01-2015

Hi, Pip here. Feeling quite down today. Had a good outcome with my left breast, now face possibility of skin cancer on my face. My brother who abused me for years is an alcoholic, druggie, never kept a job, doesn't even own the clothes he stands up in. Why doesn't he have some of these problems? He fell off the back of a truck before Christmas, all he's done is hurt his right arm, which means he'll have to use his left arm for drinking (oh, dear). I'm hoping the biopsy the G.P took yesterday from my face is negative as far as the skin cancer is concerned, but I have my doubts. There is a history on my mother's side of the family. If it IS cancer, it'll mean ongoing treatment. What next? I find out next Wednesday (can't come soon enough). I don't think it's psoriasis, there's no history. It may be just a sun spot, but the G.P said yesterday it appears to be spreading, that's not good. Am I being a 'panic merchant?' Will let you know. Thanks for the support, much appreciated. Luv P

pipsy · ‎23-01-2015

Hi, whoever's out there. I'm getting very annoyed with L as he keeps betraying me and getting huffy when I specifically ask him not to tell his family anything about me. His sister just sent a polite 'don't really care, but will ask for the sake of asking' text asking how I got on with the biopsy results. L's family don't give a damn about me, the feeling's mutual. I ask nothing about them and I ask L to shut up about me. I have specifically asked him to say nothing about my head as I don't think it's any of their business. L got 'huffy' and told me not to be so silly. I feel what happens here, stays here, unless it's him, then he can tell them whatever he likes. Why can't he respect my request about this. He tells me they care, that's bull and he knows it. I think they want to know when there's problems so they can advice him how to 'handle' me. His father has such a low opinion of women, his answer is, treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen. That idea went out when Alfred Hitchcock died. Going to sound dreadful, but 'wish they'd go away - permanently. See my G.P next week about my head. Have a good weekend to everybody. Luv P.

geoff · ‎24-01-2015

dear Pipsy, I'm sorry I have missed a day or so, as yesterday I was on and off a fair bit yesterday, helping someone so it was a rather difficult.

Unfortunately it never seems to happen that way (brother) sometimes that we wish it would happen, but the dice never rolls that way and yes there have been people who have taken advantage of me, and the old saying 'what comes around goes around' is always said, but I have my doubts.

If it is cancer and we both really hope it's not, try and google a few sites and if you need help with this please let me know.

With skin cancer the success rate is pretty good, so let's try and focus on that until WE know.

How about you send L, m/d on a wild goose chase, because they will never support you, but want to know everything, and WE don't know what is said behind closed doors, but it wouldn't be in favour for you.

I know you are worrying but another good saying (I'm into sayings this morning) try and 'put your foot on the gas'. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎25-01-2015

Hi Geoff, not sure what you mean about putting my 'foot on the gas' as far as worrying about whether I have skin cancer. I'm also not sure what you meant about sending THEM on a wild goose chase. L has reluctantly agreed not to say anything about this latest concern. Whether he will I don't know. But if he does, he'll have to put up with their rubbish. He doesn't say too much to me about what is discussed, but if I am the topic, he starts it, therefore it becomes his problem. If they start, it's still his problem, because he has to put up with it. They are nothing to do with me, they don't even exist as far as I'm concerned, therefore, they're HIS problem completely. You don't have too much longer before your op, I realize you're getting 'cold feet', understandable, I know everything will go fine. I'll miss hearing from you, but my thoughts are with you always and I know this is the right thing for you. My councilor has given me some strategies for communication and because I don't say too much any more, I don't seem to stress out so much. L talks a lot of rubbish, but I find that by ignoring it, half the time, I don't even hear what he's said. Sounds rude, but 'that's life'. The one thing I do miss, is adult conversation, particularly male adult conversation. I do value hearing from you, but I wish I could meet a nice adult male that I could talk to about general things. Ah, well, never know what the future holds. Talk soon. Luv P. xxx

geoff · ‎25-01-2015

dear Pipsy, sorry I have said a couple of 'sayings' that haven't clicked with you , that's OK , 'foot your foot on the gas' was to mean let's not jump to conclusions as we always seem to do, and the other 'send them on a wild goose chase', is to say to L who will tell m/d that there is nothing wrong with you, I know that we both wish for this to be the case, but they don't need to know the whole truth, so tell them what you like, a little white lie, because we know they don't really care for you.

There's no way he can keep anything to himself because m/d will eventually get it out of him, he's not strong enough because they have too much power over him.

Please let me know about your results, I have my fingers crossed for you.

Take care. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎26-01-2015

Hi Geoff. Pip here. Hope you enjoyed your holiday today. I've decided to take your advice and tell L nothing about the results of the biopsy. I mean I will tell him what I want him to know. He got 'sulky' when I asked him not to tell THEM what was going on. I will let you know, I will also tell my aunt in N.Z and my girlfriend in N.Z, but what THEY don't know, won't hurt them. He's spending tomorrow with THEM I'm seeing my councilor. He said he will see a councilor once he sees how I get on, that's bull**** and you and I know that. He says he wants to make things right between us, how we're going to do that, I don't know. His parents caused the problem and he let them. Till he acknowledges that, nothing will ever be 'fixed' between us. I have never had a problem with elderly people before and I don't know how to handle it. Nothing has ever been resolved and that's the whole problem. Even my councilor said she didn't know how I lived with it. As far as L is concerned, when you have a 'spat', once it's over, that's it. You don't discuss, or analyze it, you just 'move' on. That's hard to live with. Even if it keeps happening, you just forget it. He keeps telling me he loves me, love is just a word. I don't believe him. I'm actually hoping to join a dance club for the over 60's, not far from us, L knows and doesn't care. He's actually encouraged me. Thinking about you for next week. Luv P.xxx

geoff · ‎27-01-2015

dear Pipsy, the only reason he got sulky was because m/d will be asking him, but he won't be able to give them anything concrete.

His parents will always dominate, and he's let them get away with this from the word go, so it's far too late to even change this.

The word 'love' has so many connotations just as m would say to him that she loves him, what sort of love would this mean, not what we know love as.

You'd have so much fun at last by joining a dance club, but it's doctors tomorrow for you, I think, so fingers crossed, and please let me know the results. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎27-01-2015

Hi, Pip here. Have the results of the biopsy. It IS a form of skin cancer. I have to see the Dr tomorrow so he can remove the stitches where he did the biopsy. I then wait a couple of weeks so the area can settle down, then he will cut out the cancer. I will have to continue seeing him so he can keep an eye on me for more cancers. L just knows I see the Dr tomorrow, I haven't told him the rest. The Dr rang today while he was with THEM. My councilor and I have one more session to go. Next week we work on how criticism has affected my life. My parents criticized me all my life, then THEY started. My councilor feels if I can get L to appreciate how THEY made me feel, he might start being more supportive. I doubt it, but I'm willing to try. THEY will never change, but if L is willing to work with me, things might change. He wears rose colored glasses where THEY'RE concerned, but miracles HAVE been known to happen. Just because THEY'RE his parents, doesn't mean they're automatically right about everything. My councilor seems to think if I approach the situation from a different angle, L might be more willing to support me. He did admit people should respect your right to say 'no'. They don't and this is the crux of the matter. I've had quite a bit day, so I'm off to bed. Hope to hear from you before your op. All the best. Luv P. xxx