Hi, my name is Pipsy and I am nearly 64. I've been married nearly 25 years and I'm so fed-up and down in the dumps. Can anyone help? please.

pipsy · ‎30-10-2014

I was abused my by own family as a child and now I feel as though it's starting again. My husband knows about my past but says I have to 'rise above it', easy for him. His parents have been very nasty to me and I feel everytime he visits them (often), he's rewarding them for hurting me. I've tried to explain this to him, but he 'switches' off. What can I do to overcome this 'betrayal' feeling?

pipsy · ‎11-01-2015

Hi Geoff. L and I don't discuss anything of importance. Any decisions about his car or work, he makes. Every time I try to talk to him about matters of importance to me, I get hmmm - hmmm from him. No words, just the hmmm. I have learnt to say nothing, if it's not important to him, it doesn't matter. He's happy to discuss going out, going away, anything that doesn't really require too much input from him is fine. I think he's accepted there won't be any reconciliation between them and me, he hasn't said any more. When he decides to bring them up here to see the house, I'm going out, haven't told him yet, won't till he says they're coming. That'll cause fireworks but I don't care. He's a bit anxious at the moment because I've asked him to put off m&d till after 20th when I get the results of the biopsy. He was the one who insisted he take me for the biopsy and then to get the results, now he wants to see THEM. Maybe they're asking what's going on, we won't know till 20th. Every time we go out, he takes his mobile in case he gets called up by one of the family. I have accepted they will always mean more than me, but does he have to be so blatant? He's never said another word about getting counciling, didn't really expect it. Nothing really has changed, except I don't take much notice of him. We're flat mates, that's it. I don't think I've done anything wrong except defend myself against two very nasty people who don't respect me. Three, if you include him. When is your op, let me know, I worry about you like you care and worry about me. You have been a good friend and I appreciate how you've been there for me. Love P. xxx

geoff · ‎12-01-2015

dear Pipsy, I agree with what you have said, it's ALL M/D and their L versus you, and I wish you didn't have this biopsy hanging over your head.

My op is I go to hospital on 2/2 and then the op is the next day, which will be the fourth op on the damaged hip.

I feel like I've been cut open more than a slice of bread. lol

Are you worried or have you got 'a gut feeling', as today is the 12th. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎12-01-2015

Hi Geoff. Well, another kick in the guts. My neighbor's home, but she won't be taking me for the biopsy, what's more, she no longer wants to 'be there' for me. While she was on holiday in Melbourne, she left her car at her daughters' on the G.Coast. Some drunken fool took the corner too fast, plowed into her car and totaled it. She won't be picking her new car up till about Thursday this week, so L will be taking me after all. My neighbor decided she wants to keep to herself, get involved with no-one, apart from being friends, saying hi, that sort of thing. We will still be friends, but that's it. L's in a *** with me (as usual). This morning I did his hmm bit while he was talking. He decided that I was cranky, so he went to work in a huff. It's hilarious when you think about it. I get the hmm bit from him when he doesn't want to listen when I'm saying something that's important to me. I can't win. My councilor actually suggested I try that treatment. If he says anything about it tonight and I say how does he like it, I'll get called childish. I see my councilor tomorrow, so I'll ask her what to try next. What did you mean about have I got a 'gut feeling', as today is the 12th. Did you mean about you or me. I am worried about you, I hope all goes well. I wish I could contact you direct or send you a card or something. I'll be glad when Thursday's over. Cheers P.xxx

geoff · ‎14-01-2015

dear Pipsy, the gut feeling was whether you thought it would be positive or hopefully negative, let's hope for it being negative then that will be off your mind, I have got my fingers crossed for you.

I wonder why your neighbour has changed, maybe the car incident and her car being so badly damaged, which she would have to claim off her own insurance company because the chap was drunk, so his insurance company will deny his claim.

It must be disappointing for you, but as time goes by it might change keeping in mind what's now happened, so you will be a bit hesitant.

Well today is Wednesday, so I really wish the very best for you tomorrow. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎15-01-2015

Hi Geoff. The biopsy was extremely uncomfortable, but it was over in less than half an hour. L has danced attendance all day, so I can't complain. Part of me is hoping they'll find something, part of me is hoping they won't. If they don't and I still feel pain with mammogram and ultra-sound, obviously there's something. So at least if they find something, they'll be able to treat it. They had to do another ultra-sound so they could pin point where the tenderness was, that was painful. I'll know next Tuesday, hopefully. The guy who did the biopsy said the specialist SHOULD have the results by then. I have to see my G.P next Wednesday to discuss results with him. My counciling went well, we did role playing which was good. I see her for the last time in 2 weeks. The chap who hit my neighbor's car disappeared so fast all they could see was tail lights. I haven't spoken to her since the other day, if she's going to ignore me, I will ignore her. I won't waste time on someone who blows hot and cold. As soon as I know the results of the biopsy, you'll know, thanks for caring. I sincerely hope all goes well with your op as well. Do as the Dr tells you, that's important. All the best, love P.

geoff · ‎16-01-2015

dear Pipsy, I understand your logic, but still it's not pleasant to have to go through with it, and I can only say from a male's point that I am so very sorry for you to have to go through with all of this.

A caring male can understand a female's concern, just like a caring female can be the same for him.

If this is your 10th visit, then your doctor must have set up the medicare plan last year, and if this is the case then it starts again for the next year, so get your doctor to renew it again, which means that you will have another 10 visits.

Please let me know the results and whether you have another 10 visits. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎17-01-2015

Hi Geoff. With my counciling, I had 6 visits, then the councilor sends her report to my G.P. If he decides I need more, he will refer me for 6 more and so on, until my councilor or I decide I can go no further. It wasn't set up through medicare, I pay for each visit. It's called 'New Directions', it's not govt funded. L said yesterday he still wants me to reconcile with (you know who). I said to him, if he wants that to happen, he go to counciling to understand why the problem arose. He got huffy (as usual), nothing more was said. He needs to be put into the same situation they put me in to understand why I got angry. My councilor said putting him in the same situation won't achieve anything. I can't trust him to support me emotionally around them. He has said, he can't oppose them with anything, he's just not strong enough. Funnily enough, we're getting on better, but unfortunately, it's because I'm not disagreeing with anything he says. If I do disagree, he gets huffy and won't talk, rather childish, but he's always been like that. M/D apparently ignored the 'sulky' behavior when he was little. I don't think they knew how to deal with it so it was easier to ignore than address it. If I do disagree with him, it's to myself. He does need help, but till he recognizes it, there's nothing that can be done. All the kids are the same apparently. I don't know about you, but if I 'sulked' as a kid, I was told, go to your room until you grow up. My parents insisted we (my brother) and I join sport, we weren't that way inclined and they never forgave us. L's D loves football/cricket, L doesn't that much. He feels he's let D down. I told him, that's your D's problem. He absolutely, blindly adores them and doesn't like letting them down in any way. Quite sad they have such influence over a grown boy (that's what he is, really). I'll let you know about the biopsy Tuesday, I see my G.P Wednesday about something else as well as the counciling appointments, so will let you know about that as well. Thanks for caring. Take care of yourself this weekend. Much luv P.

pipsy · ‎20-01-2015

Hi Geoff. Well, good news. Saw the specialist today and he said there's no sign of the lump. The biopsy showed nothing, the tenderness he put down to when you have to hold your arm above your head for any length of time, the tissues are stretched and it hurts when they have weight on them. I have to go for a mammogram and ultra-sound in June, but he seems to think everything's okay. I think he wants me to go about every 6 months for a while, but he seemed pretty confident. I'm seeing my G.P tomorrow, I have a rash above my left eye, it's not serious, but there's skin cancer in my mother's family so I better get it checked, it's become itchy and that's not good. I'm thinking of going to N.Z for a while. I have family (an aunty) and some cousins that I haven't seen for a while. I have a girlfriend in Auckland I went to school with and it would be good to touch base with her also. My mother came from a town an hour or so north of Auckland and it would be good to go back for a look round. L's quite happy, he made the suggestion. I haven't been since 2004 so there's been a lot of changes. There is a church with a cemetery where my ancestors are buried and I'd love to visit that too. I consider where my mother came from as my home, I love her sister, she's been really good to me. Also L could see m/d whenever he wanted to. I think he wants to see them more. I haven't made any firm plans, but I am thinking it would be good to put some space between L and me. He's trying to be a good husband, so maybe going away would benefit both of us. Not too long before your op, thinking of you and hope all goes well. Keep in touch. Luv P

geoff · ‎21-01-2015

dear Pipsy, well that's fantastic news and at least one problem off your mind, but keep up the reviews, just to ease your mind, anyway that's great.

Have a holiday in NZ, it's been quite awhile since I was there and I'm sure that within 10 years it would have changed a lot.

It's cheaper to go o/s than it is to go interstate.

With me I had thought of postponing it, but haven't at the moment, it's just I'm a chicken because I hate the pain and inconvenience, anyway good news from you. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎21-01-2015

Hi Geoff. Yes, I'm really pleased with my outcome. Just hope I do as well today with my G.P. Please don't postpone your op. I understand where you're coming from with having a low tolerance to pain and the amount of physio you may have to endure to walk properly again. But wouldn't it be worth it in the long run. As I said once before, no pain, no gain. If you refuse to go, you might not get another chance. Your choice, I know, but really think about it, please. I have been keeping an eye through google where my mum came from and it HAS changed so much. I've more or less decided to go. Just a matter of when, now. My aunt is talking about coming here in March, she hasn't booked or anything and I'd want to go before it gets too cold, so I'll have to get my skates on. Thinking about you always. Luv P xxx