Hi, my name is Pipsy and I am nearly 64. I've been married nearly 25 years and I'm so fed-up and down in the dumps. Can anyone help? please.

pipsy · ‎30-10-2014

I was abused my by own family as a child and now I feel as though it's starting again. My husband knows about my past but says I have to 'rise above it', easy for him. His parents have been very nasty to me and I feel everytime he visits them (often), he's rewarding them for hurting me. I've tried to explain this to him, but he 'switches' off. What can I do to overcome this 'betrayal' feeling?

pipsy · ‎31-12-2014

Hi, nice to hear back from you. Sorry to hear about your back and hip problems. That's the worst of 'old' age, chuckle. Glad to know you had a great time with your granddaughters. My biopsy is on 15th January, I get the results 20th. When do you have your op, I'll be thinking of you and hoping for a speedy recovery. What are they going to do? My neighbor is away at the moment with her family in Melbourne. I miss her and look forward to her return next week sometime. I see my councilor 13th January, can't help feeling it's a bit of a waste of time really. She's very young and has no experience dealing with difficult family situations. She has the uni degrees, but that won't really help her dealing with people, as people are people and they never act or say the things you are trained to deal with. You can imagine what sort of things you would like to say or do, but you never act out what you imagine, as you never get the exact situation you want. There are always problems that you never imagine arise, and life don't come with manuals, unfortunately. I should've been a councilor (not). lol, Cheers and all the best, keep in touch, love hearing from you. luv P

geoff · ‎01-01-2015

dear Pipsy, happy new year as it's now '15, just after 12am, so with fingers crossed, legs crossed and arms crossed I truly hope the very best for you.

There must be some hesitation for you about the biopsy and we can handle this along the way, but I hope the very best result for you.

You and your friend will talking for hours so it will be great to have her back.

With your counsellor try and view as a son/daughter talking to you where they may not have much experience but there maybe some points for you to pick up on, but imagine the experience you could tell her.

With my hip (car accident) I've had 3 op's already but now new orthopedic wants to do full hip replacement early Feb. and I'm not someone who wants pain.

Anyway I can't back out. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎02-01-2015

Hi Geoff. Happy New Year to you, I know it's a bit late, but better late than never. I've thought about what you said about my councilor. It's quite an interesting viewpoint that I hadn't thought of. It's true the young learn from the old, it's also true the old learn from the young. I get fascinated hearing about how the pioneers existed when only the rich had phones, power etc. I used to love talking to my dad's mum about her life. I have an elderly aunt in Sydney and she often talks about her parents, they lived on a farm. My granddad was rich (for those days), but life was still hard. I think children were better behaved in those days as they were taught to respect their elders. Sorry but I had to laugh about your low tolerance to pain. There's an old saying: no pain, no gain. I suppose you'll have a bit of trouble walking after your op, but take it slowly. Remember I'll be there in spirit for you, as you have been there for me. Thanks to you I've become mentally stronger, I no longer care about L or his family (they're too pathetic to waste my time on). I'm going to get my hair done today, then have lunch out. Went to the speedway last night, thoroughly enjoyed myself. Went and saw 'The Water Diviner' Wednesday, bit confronting, but I did enjoy it. Made me appreciate what my dad and grandfather's went through. Both grandfather's were in the 1st world war, my dad was in the 2nd. No you can't and WON'T back out from your op, I'll kick your butt if you do, lol. Much love P

pipsy · ‎05-01-2015

Hi Geoff. Haven't heard from you for a while, hope all is well. You have been such a good friend to me, I hope you consider me the same way. I wasn't too good over the weekend, but feel slightly better today. Maybe I'm stressing a bit about the biopsy, considering it's at the end of next week. It'll be good to get it over and done with, then I get the results. L was complaining about a work colleague last night. Apparently every time this guy sees L he says something about 'the handsome guys talking' whatever that means. I have met this guy, he's a bit of a stirrer, but I don't think he means anything by it. L however takes it seriously and had a 'go' at him about it. It was on the tip of my tongue to say what about the way your parents were constantly stirring me, but I let it go. I am going to talk to my councilor about how to get L to realize how his parents were making me feel with their constant needling. I know they won't change, but if I could get L to see how I felt, maybe, he might realize why I got stuck into them. He can dish it out, but can't take it. He says I'm the same, maybe I am, I'd like to think I'm more sensitive to other people's feelings. I have found, since he's been back, I 'tune out' a lot of what he says, like he'll say, we can go to the movies now and again. I think, I'll go whenever I like, I don't need his permission, I don't say that, but that thought's there. I am learning to keep my thoughts to myself until I can voice them without arguments, probably never. Sounds intolerant, but I don't see I have much choice. I can't afford another place and he won't go permanently. Anyway, enough, I only wrote to say how are you? Cheers P

geoff · ‎06-01-2015

dear Pipsy, no I haven't forgotten you, no way, it's just that there have been a couple of posts that needed attention, and that's not to say more important than you.

Is your friend back home so that she can go with you for your biopsy, I hope she will be by next week.

L's behaviour is a product of his parents, because they dish it out and can't take it.

Pipsy please just be careful of this guy you met, and here's two elderly people talking about dating, but really you must be over the moon that you have taken someone off his feet, or what's the saying whipped them off their feet, something like that, but the feeling must be fantastic with adrenaline rushing through your veins.

L's lost his chance ages ago, controlled by mummy and daddy, it's too late, you live in the same dwelling and that's it.

Please let us know if your friend will be home as some support for you. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎06-01-2015

Hi Geoff. You must have misunderstood me. I'm not 'dating' this guy, he works with L. I met him when he came round to pick up some stuff we were throwing out when we moved here nearly 3 years ago. This guy (I think) is married, or living with somebody. There is no way I would ever consider 'dating' anyone unless I was really attracted to them. I'm hoping my neighbor will be home today or tomorrow, I haven't heard directly from her, but I understand she was due back this week. L is still saying he will take me for the biopsy, but if mummy or daddy want him, I know he will go. I'm not too concerned about that. I'm not actually interested in getting involved with anyone. I don't really think I'm able to really 'love' anyone, as I'm not sure what love really means. I thought it meant 'give and take' and being there for the other person. L is my 3rd husband, my 1st husband committed suicide, we had only been married for 18 months when I discovered he was gay. My 2nd husband was 21 years older than me with a previous wife. It was similar to the situation princess Di was in with her, Charles and Camilla. My 2nd husband was constantly in touch with his ex. I got on with her, but there was still 3 of us in the marriage, plus his 5 kids. We lasted 7 years. I gave it my best shot then as now. My 2nd husband is also dead, he is interred with his 1st wife (they should never have divorced). I have been so badly hurt by these experiences (L knows about them both). As I said, I have no intention of getting involved with anyone except as a friend. If I'm invited for a cuppa, I may go just for adult companionship, that I don't get here. Apart from that, forget it. I'm not angry with you, I'm sorry you misunderstood me, that's my fault for not explaining this guy properly. Cheers P.

geoff · ‎08-01-2015

dear Pipsy, thanks for that, it was my misinterpretation.

I have a feeling that L wants to take you to your biopsy because mummy and daddy want to know, then maybe your friend will be home.

Please let me know how it goes. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎08-01-2015

Hi Geoff. Pip here. You could well be right about L's parents wanting to know about the biopsy. I would rather they knew nothing. When I attempted suicide, I told L to tell nobody, he betrayed me and told them. He told them last week he was taking me for the biopsy, mummy has already decided there's nothing wrong (again - she knows). His sister did support me by telling mummy there's obviously something wrong or the specialist wouldn't have ordered the 2nd biopsy. Because mummy thinks she knows everything, she's quite annoyed about me having the 2nd biopsy. She's apparently been quite well behaved of late, mainly because I'm not there to threaten her relationship with L. She's content because she has two of her 6 kids to herself. When the other's come, she makes it clear she wants them to herself, and they indulge her. She has 2 in the U.K and 2 in N.Z, plus the 2 here. The 2 in the U.K she hasn't seen for a while. One from N.Z (the eldest) was here last year for a few months while daddy was in hospital. She didn't even want the N.Z one to visit her own child here on the G.Coast, how's that for selfish? The other N.Z one she hasn't seen for a few years. Last time they went to N.Z to visit them, mummy caused a row between her son and his wife, then said it was the wife. L has actually been quite good just lately, since he came home. When's your op, please let me know? Take care, L Pip. xxx

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pipsy · ‎09-01-2015

Hi Geoff. I need to ask your opinion about another well-meaning neighbor. She has this idea that no matter what or how L treats me, if I speak nicely to him, he will respond accordingly. In view of his treatment, I don't know if I CAN do this. I'm getting along better with him, but I still don't completely trust him. I suppose this will come in time, but at the moment, I'm very wary. I don't say anything when he phones them, but I'm not interested in reconciling with them. Whether this happens is anybody's guess, but I doubt it. I feel if I start calling him 'darling', my neighbor's suggestion, I would be being very hypocritical in view of how I feel. I've never called him 'darling' in my life. I don't really feel any love for him - yet. I am starting to feel softer toward him, but I don't think it's love. I feel he's still very much their son as opposed to my husband. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated. L Pip. xxx

geoff · ‎10-01-2015

dear Pipsy, what they say on the phone when speaking to him could be anything and I would expect to try and find out every little detail they can on what's happening with you, so he's a runner for them, and I have always believed that once you don't trust someone then you never can.

If any reconciliation with them, and I know this won't happen, would be to their benefit only, and I wouldn't trust them also.

If you haven't called him 'darling' then don't start, and why start now, it's just 2 people living under the same roof, decisions and agreements have to be made, so a reasonable connection between the both of you is probably the best, but don't forget that whatever happens he will tell m/d, or perhaps they will make him tell them.

Stay at arms length. lol L Geoff. x