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Hi All, Anxiety ruining relationship

Liseyy
Community Member

Hi all, i guess I am seeking some comfort in that I’m not alone, i am finding that my anxiety is ruining my marriage and family. I have good days and bad where I find I am not down and anxious but other days are terrible, there are days where I think this is too hard for my husband, to have to deal with my anxiety and panic attacks and and I guess I push him away as I do not want him to have to put up with how I am, I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want to have the guilt of having anxiety and not knowing how to ‘get better’ my husband has worked fifo for many years and this has possibly made my anxiety worse, So he came home for a while and now we fight a lot about different things which also triggers anxiety..

sorry for the ramble, I guess what I’m asking is how do you not let anxiety consume your relationship, and move forward? Or did you find it better to go separate paths?

thanks xx

1 Reply 1

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Liseyy~

Welcome here, and thank you for explaining how things are, it is a big step to do so and I'm glad you did.

Anxiety is a terrible thing and can ruin your life, with the good days only highlighting how bad the rest of the time is. Apart from the panic attacks, which can sometimes come without realy knowing why, most of one's actions are tainted by it.

Decision making can be so hard, as it always seems like the worst alternative will happen. The mind concentrates on the worst and will not leave it alone.

It is not up to you, or your husband, to know how to 'get better'. I have found I needed help in three areas to improve . One was competent medical treatment: therapy and maybe medication. May I ask if you are getting that at the moment?

The second was personal support. I was so lucky to have a strong and understanding partner. She may not have known what was going on in my head, but learned firstly it was not her fault, and secondly basically what to do to make me feel better -or if needs be leave me alone.

Trying to deal with anxiety in isolation is very hard indeed. Do you have anyone you can lean on who listens and cares?

It may also be your husband needs support, my partner did, she had her mum who gave emotional and practical help. Living with a person who has an anxiety condition can be worrying, confusing and frustrating when not properly understood..

I talked about decision making. My partner was able to give me perspective, so I did not panic about the worst possible results but was able to see things more realistically.

FIFO is hard on both people and separation and being alone simply allows fears and worries to magnify. You also have your own routines which are upset when he comes back.

Fighting upon his return, do you know what are the reasons for this? Have you talked it over when things have cooled down to try to find out why you cannot simply reach an agreement? Perhaps there is anger and resentment as much as the issue at hand.

The third thing was a healthy lifestyle (or as much as you can if you have kids) with nutrition, exercise and rest. Also having a time each day to do something you enjoy and look forward to - it realy does help.

Beyond Blue has a lot of information about anxiety, it spreads right out into symptoms treatments and other things, starting here:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety

which may help you, and maybe your husband too. I hope you come back and say more

Croix