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Help please with first date

Elsam
Community Member

I met a wonderful guy and fell in love with him at first sight when I saw him on an online dating site, I am totally smitten with this man.

Our first date was a dinner date at a beautiful restaurant and after dinner he invited me back to his place.

He got the red wine out and then we became intimate and I spent the night with him.

He sent me a video during the week and we had a couple of messages between us, then stupid me sent this message this afternoon.

Hope you are well
and had a nice weekend...
I can’t help but feel you were trying to tell me something through the Swiss video?
I feel so disappointed, as we had so much in common and could have a great time together.
I think you were great, I respect you and wanted to get to know you as a friend...
Mary xx

I have been having huge anxiety attacks over this, he replied this evening:

Sorry been really busy, and wrapping up things before I leave. No, there wasn't a "hidden" message in the video, I wouldn't do that. Things went very fast during our first rendez-vous and thats unlike me tho!
Hope you had a nice weekend and no Monday Blues today!

How do I reply to this message from him without scaring him off, but at the same time I want to tell him I am attracted to him and would love to see him again.

This whole dating game is new to me as I was married for 25 years

Thank you in advance

136 Replies 136

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Mary, from what you've told us it seems as though it's two people who want to have another date but frightened what you say may scare each other off, this all depends on what he had on the video and whether you accepted it as being appropriate or not.

If you do, then organise another date, then you can begin to know more about each other and make a decision.

You could send back a message agreeing that it was a fast first rendez-vous, but still very keen on meeting with him again and discussing what each of you likes to do.

You can't lose anything by doing this and make a suggestion of what you may be able to do.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Elsam

I really empathise with your anxiety about the dating game. I’m no dating expert but wanted to provide you with some reassurance.

I think your message to him was fine. Always better to be upfront and clear the air, in my opinion. His response seemed fine, too.

Don’t know his back story but it’s possible this is all new again for him too. So maybe try not to read too much into the messages.

Perhaps try not to overthink it. I’d just send a light message back. Sounds like he’s going on a trip?, so maybe just say you had a great time with him, wish him well for whatever he’s doing or going and suggest a coffee when he gets back?

Good luck! Kind thoughts to you

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Mary,

You both seem pretty keen on each other from what I’ve read so far but are just navigating the awkward dating stage. You could always just reply by acknowledging that things did move pretty fast but you just found yourself attracted to him etc. that’s always a bit flattering to someone. In your original message you sounded fairly hurt, is there a reason why? Just trying to gauge what his behavior has been like, consistent or a bit MIA etc?

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi. With any text message it can be easy to over analyse what is said. I can do with messages I might send to friends. Both the messages you sent looked honest and assuming the person knows where you are coming from then all will be ok? If you were giving advice to a friend, what would you say?

And from your initial post, there was nothing to suggest you wanted to move faster, plan a family etc. All you said you wanted to say was that you wanted to see him again, which is very nice

I think he would be happy to hear from you as well?

Elsam
Community Member

Hi all

Thank you for the wonderful replies and support, you make me feel so much better although I am very anxious about seeing him again. I would do anything to see him again!!

I have been totally smitten with this guy from when I first saw his photo online but cannot tell him that in fear of scaring him.

His last message to me:

Sorry been really busy, and wrapping up things before I leave. No, there wasn't a "hidden" message in the video, I wouldn't do that. Things went very fast during our first rendez-vous and thats unlike me tho!
Hope you had a nice weekend and no Monday Blues today!

I do not know how to take him comment about: Things went very fast during our first rendezvous and that’s unlike me tho!

I don’t know if he is regretting the night we spent together or if he is embarrassed??

He would not have invited me back to his place and become intimate if he was not attracted to me would he????

I waited 24 hrs to reply to him as do not want him to think I am desperate or chasing him.

My reply to him this evening:

Apologies for the late reply.
Hope you had a great day, I have had a busy day.
I absolutely love the Swiss video! How beautiful is Rogers chalet in the Swiss Alps.
You must be excited about your trip!
We can blame the Shiraz for our first rendez-vous moving so fast.. 🍷🍷
Would you like to catch up one weekend for a Coffee and a walk in the park before you leave?
M x

I am just waiting for a response from him now but so scared he is going to reject me!

Elsam
Community Member

@smallwolf

Thank you for the message, much appreciated.
I always over analyze everything and have anxiety attacks about the situation.

We have only met the one night for a dinner date and then become intimate that night.

He has backed off a little since our date, but he is in a very busy job.
I’m not sure if he is backed off because he is not interested or if he is embarrassed about the intimacy the night of our date.

He is not being very clear in his messages.

I don’t think he would have been intimate if he was not attracted to me though??

He does reply to my messages but I am holding back on messaging him as don’t want him to think I am chasing him.

Hopefully he will accept a coffee and walk in the park as friends and we can see where that leads.

Elsam
Community Member

@juliet_84

Thank you for the reply, very much appreciated as this whole dating thing is new to me.

I am very keen on him and he seemed so keen and said my photos were very nice and he was so excited to meet me.

He was even counting the sleeps for the 3 nights before we met which was cute!

I don’t see how he could go from being so interested to not being interested at all.

I would think the intimacy/sex would keep him interested

You will see in my reply that i blamed the Shiraz on things moving very fast to try and keep it lighthearted.

I would love to tell him I am so attracted to him but worried that it may scare him as we have only known each other 3 weeks and only met the one night.

I have felt a little disappointed about his lack of response since we met. Before we met he was sending Good morning messages every morning and messaging me throughout the day.

Now he will only respond if I send a message but this may be his way of slowing things down a bit as he said the first rendezvous moved very fast.

He initiated this moving fast by inviting me back to his place and getting the wine out.

@Summer Rose

Thank you for the kind response and support, it is very much appreciated.

I would love to be very open and upfront but we have only known each other 3 weeks and I am treading so carefully as do not want to frighten him.

He did tell me he has been single 7 years but been dating casually I think.

Yes he is going on a trip at the end of the month.

That’s why I have asked if he would like to catch up for a coffee and walk in the park before he leaves.

I don’t want him to go and we lose contact while he is away.

Elsam
Community Member

@Geoff

Thank you for taking the time to send the supportive message, much appreciated.

Can I ask you from a males perspective please?
If he invited me back and was intimate with me wouldn’t he be attracted to me and want to see me again?

The video from him was not a personal video, it was a Swiss tourism video you will see on YouTube that he sent as we both have a love of Switzerland, I think it was nice that he sent that to me as he must have been thinking about me to send it.

You will see my main reply in this thread that I have asked him if he would like to catch up for a coffee and walk in the park.

I’m just trying to keep it very lighthearted and casual with him so I don’t lose him.

I am scared as hell he is not going to respond or reject me but I have deliberately asked the question to try and get him to respond.