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Help needed in dealing with my copycat mother-in-law

Gloss
Community Member
 Hi all, I'm wondering if anybody has some feedback on an ongoing issue I have with my mother-in-law. She is a fabulous woman who loves her family dearly and will do anything for us however,  it seems to be that she copies me a lot in places I go and friends that I make. For instance, if my husband and I start going to a new pub, you can rest assure that the in-laws will soon follow. We have done this with a few places we go, when we stop  going they stopped going within a couple of weeks. Then we start going somewhere different, then they are soon visiting the same place and not only that, they are signing up to be members as well . The one thing that irritates me  more than anything and according to my husband, she has practically done this her whole life is, if I say I'm not going out to such and such tonight she says neither am I. If I change my mind, guess what? She changes.  her mind too. Most of the time she's very easy to get along with and I do love to hang out with her but the copycat  behaviour is starting to really get to me. Any advice would be fantastic 
3 Replies 3

pipsy
Community Member

Dear Gloss.  Love the name, is it Gloss by name and nature, bet it is.  How long have you been married?  Does your hubby have siblings, or is he the only child?  When the only or eldest son gets married, quite often MIL in particular either 'freezes' DIL out altogether or 'bends over backwards' trying to welcome new DIL into the family.  Maybe your in-laws don't really have a 'life' of their own and desperately want to be part of yours.  Yes, I agree it is frustrating.  How does hubby feel, is he encouraging them or does he want to just be with you?  If he is encouraging them, you're going to have to let him know as gently as possible that, even though you love them, you really want time just with him.  You're going to have to tread very carefully here, it's a very sticky situation where in-laws could turn on you thinking you're trying to come between them and their son.  Can you talk to hubby, or would writing down what you want to say help you.  Try first talking to hubby about how you feel, don't 'blow up' remember they're his parents, he's going to protect them.  Try not putting him in a position where he feels he has to choose.  You're basically going to have to 'walk on eggshells' on this one.

Best wishes on this. 

Lori
Community Member

Hi Gloss, 

Ah! I can only imagine how annoying that would get!! Have you spoken to her about it? I know it would be a bit of a difficult conversation or maybe even a bit awkward but it might help this situation ? It wouldn't hurt in trying to talk about it to her would it ? At least if you were able to talk to her about it at least she will know that it is annoying you and that maybe it is time for her to find her own things to do? 

It's great that you get along well when she isn't being a "copycat" that's really great but yeah think it's time for her to pick her own hobbies, maybe you could suggest some to her.. different ones, something that you aren't doing? 

I do hope this situation gets resolved soon I can imagine how stressful it must be for you. Goodluck hopefully soon your in laws find something of their own to do. Let us know how you go, and keep smilling 🙂

- Lori 🙂

 

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
dear Gloss, good comments from Pipsy and Lori, but what I would like to know is how does she know that you and hubby
are going to this place or that place, presumably by your MIL asking her son, your husband or by your husband telling
her where you are going, maybe out of duty, in other words telling mum everything about the marriage, I'm sticking
my head out saying that, but if this is the case then you have to tell your husband not to say a word, because you want
a marriage that stays only between you and your husband.
Alternatively tell her you are going to place X, while in fact you are going somewhere else, I know that that's telling
a white lie, however once again if your husband is telling her, tell him not to. Geoff. x