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Community Member
Hi Everyone
These last few weeks had been the hardest weeks of my life. I'm finding it very hard and feel very lonely.
7 Replies 7

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Mummablue, welcome and thank you for reaching out 🙂

First of all I want to reassure you that you aren't alone. You've come to a very welcoming, safe environment where we're all happy to help.

Perhaps if you start off by telling us what's troubled you these past few weeks, we can get an idea as to how to help you.

Looking forward to hearing back from you

Rumples (I'm here for you) 🙂

Hi Rumples thank you for your reply. Today I had to choose the wellbeing of my son over my brother that I care for also because he has Bipolar and Schizoaffective disorder with PTSD. It's only been 8 months of caring for him but my son is in the process of being diagnosed with ASD and he wasn't coping having my brother living with us. It was my brother that actually said to me that he thinks he should move out but then he goes and tells everyone it was my idea and now he won't talk to me and he's gone to my mum's house and has totally shutdown. He wrote on Facebook that people should never promise things to mentally ill people that you can't keep. I believe it was aimed at me but I wasn't to know my son with breakdown because of this or that this stupid virus would ruin our lives. I asked him if he could please delete it and now he's blocked me. I'm a mess and I'm struggling with my own depression and anxiety. It's too much, I feel like I've lost my brother.

Hi again Mummablue and thank you soooooo much for coming back 🙂

First of all, I'm so sorry for the situation you now find yourself in. It's always very difficult when multiple family members are involved, as someones always going to end up in tears. Secondly, you've done nothing wrong. Nothing! Please know this.

You are to be commended for taking your brother into you home knowing his problems. It's a very courageous woman who'd do that, and I personally don't know of many like you.

In the end, regardless if your brother realised it or not, he's made the best decision for all concerned to move out and back home with mum. It's the best place for him. Your family, every family needs to be able to come home and feel safe and care free. It's the only place we can all truly relax and be ourselves. With your brothers condition now affecting your son, there was no other option but for him to leave. I have brothers and sisters myself and love them dearly as you do yours. But, if I had to choose between my children's health and safety and theirs, I'd most certainly choose my children. It doesn't mean I love my brothers and sisters any less, it just means my immediate family comes first, especially my children. It's a commonsense decision and no other one a reasonable parent could come to.

Your brother will calm down eventually and I'm sure you'll be talking again. Just give him time and let him come to you when he's ready. I think he just needs some space and at home with mum is the exact, stable, familiar surrounding he needs to be whilst he cools his jets. He's really in the best place for him at this time in his life. Nothing takes the place of a mother. Your son needs his and your brother needs his as well. You can't be mum to both. I know you desperately want to be, but you just cant.

Take this time to re-compose yourself. Take a big deep breath, brush away them tears, stand up straight and be the mum your son needs right now. You can't help your brother, but you can help your son, and that's where you need to focus. The rest will settle down in good time I'm sure.

Please come back to me with your thoughts. I'd love to hear them.

Always here for you, Rumples xo

Hi Mammablue,

Oh what a hard choice to make. But you chose your child. It is obvious you care deeply for your brother but when push comes to shove, prioritising a child's welfare, although hard, is one you had to make.

He has somewhere to live and although he's smarting at the moment, he's shown some restraint in not naming you. Hopefully with time things'll get better.

Let me know how's things are going.


Hi Rumples
I'm really struggling, my brother has totally ghosted me,I can't stop crying at night when the kids are asleep. This is one of my biggest fears, I had a best friend that ghosted me once and I never recovered but this time it being my brother it feels worse.
The kids being at home with me 24/7 is really horrible for them because they are used to being out and about most of the time. My 11yr old daughter cries all the time over everything and my son is about to turn 9 and looks like he has autism and adhd which my daughter can't stand to be around him. It's too hard, I'm drowning. I can't deal with all this and my own depression and anxiety and bowel disease. I can't even think about my marital problems. Thanks for being here

Hi Mummablue,

That is a lot for one person to deal with - it sounds perfectly natural that you are struggling with so many pressures and difficulties happening all at once. We are so sorry to hear that this is all happening at the moment. You have done an important thing in reaching out for help here at the forums. Our community is here to help support you with words of kindness and wisdom.

Please know that there is support available to you. As some of these issues are being exacerbated by the pandemic if you feel it might be useful, we'd encourage you to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. You can also call one of our friendly counsellors who can help with counselling, advice, and referrals on - 1800 512 348 Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread when you feel up to it. We're all here to support you.

Hi Mummablue,

I'm so sorry to hear everything is piling up all at once. My heart goes out to you sweety (BIG hug).

Please reach out to the support services Sophie has mentioned. I really do believe you need to speak to 1-1 with a counsellor and get some help.

Only if you feel up to it, we'd love to hear of your progress.

We do care about you sweety and we're always here for you.

Rumples xoxo