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heartbroken, crushed

Community Member

My husband said tonight "the reason I don't want to impregnate you, is because you can't even handle having 1 child" 😢 we have our own successful business, and I am a stay at home mum who does absolutely EVERYTHING at home, never had any help. ..... Im a perfectionist , doing my absolute best~ have always had the plan to have 2 children, and have been spoken to terribly lately by him, and then tonight he angrily and aggressively yells this to my face. I feel sick.  I feel worthless. His comment made me feel like a shit mum and a worthless person. 

I can't believe my own husband has been saying such harsh things to me. Depression is through the roof, he's made me feel like crap: (

4 Replies 4

Vegetarian Marshmallow
Community Member
Ask him what he meant by that - in what ways does he think you're not handling having a child?  Figure out together if he's right or wrong or somewhere in between about individual points.  Write them down (and counter-arguments) in dot-points so you don't just go in circles.

Maybe he has concerns about things that you don't see as much as he does e.g. if he was the main breadwinner, he'd be more concerned about money than you (just an example, I don't know the details of who does what in your relationship).  Maybe he just doesn't want another child, and is looking for any excuse.

Whatever the case, the vague, all-encompassing phrase "you can't even handle having one child" isn't a good place to leave the conversation.

Also set some boundaries - that he can't talk to you like that.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear RT22

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good that you recognise that your husband is wrong to speak to you in that fashion. No matter what he thinks about you, yelling abuse is not the answer.

May I ask a couple of questions? Before he made that comment has he ever yelled at you before or spoken in that manner? I ask because I wonder what is going on in his life. Marshmallow suggests your husband may not want another child and is looking for an excuse. Clearly this needs to be addressed in as calm a manner as possible.

But if this is not the reason then can I ask if your husband is behaving in a different way than usual? Is he very tired, generally short-tempered,quiet or keeping to himself? I wonder if he is under some strain from the business and worry is making him act in this manner. Or perhaps your depression is causing him concern. Not that any of this makes it OK to speak to you in that fashion but may explain it.

Another explanation may be that he has become depressed himself and has not, or cannot recognise it.

You say your depression has increased so I am presuming you are getting some professional help in this area. If so I suggest you speak to your counselor, psychologist or whoever is helping you ASAP. Husband's behaviour is not acceptable and you need to work out what is wrong and how to manage this.

If you are not getting any help then I suggest an urgent visit to your GP and a good chat about your difficulties. I expect this sounds as though it is your fault, that you are to blame in some way. Not true. But you can only manage yourself. He must manage himself. Getting help and support for you is your priority.

In the meantime, if you are able, have a talk with your husband about how you feel. It may help, but if he is worried or depressed it may be that he needs help and support from a professional also. So may I suggest you check out the business and stress angle and have a chat about his feelings.

Please get back to us and let us know how you are going.



Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Dear rt22 I'm concerned you are perhaps in an emotionally abusive relationship. If your husband's behavior is out of character then yes you need to find a way to communicate to him that it's unacceptable he speaks to you in such a manner & why is he so angry. If you are treated like this regularly then no wonder your feeling depressed. I'd strongly urge you to go talk to your Gp asap & explain what's happening. There are 2 major issues right now-his behavior & your depression. I think in one way or another they will be related. Please let us know how you are? Thinking of you today. Lve Mares