had a affair

cantcope · ‎01-04-2018

hi, I have been married for 22 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, 22 and 17,. when I met my wife she was only 19, I was 26,. marriage has been good but over the last 7 or 8 years things have gotten stale, while I still have great affection for her I have found myself wanting,. I spend most of my time working and at night alone while shes doing her own stuff,, our sex life is non existent,. to the point im not interested anymore..5 yrs ago I meet the most wonderful beautiful women., I fell for right away, after a very short time she called it off as she had a partner,. it hurt me very much , but I got over it .went back to my normall life,. then 2 months ago, after 5 long years with no contact she emailed me again, she had broken up with her partner 6 months before and wanted to see me. I thought about it long and hard but couldn't resist her,. we phone each other several times a day and meet up in the city quite a few times., she was and is still trying to get over her relationship and is always talking about it,i told her I was there for her to vent etc.then she invited me to her apartment, I was nervous and scared but I went,.we sleept together,.then all within 3 days she told me she didn't want to see me anymore as her head isnt in the right space and its bad timing on her part. I have fallen for her and love her but she dosnt want me to contact her,. now I am not in a good place,. I feel very loney, empty feeling, always breaking up crying while trying to hide it from my wife,. im not happy and not in a good head space,. I think a lot why bother going on,. .....lost all interest in life. no appetite, no interest in my home life., I just don't know how long I can take this,. im so sad,. sorry for this and what has happened,. I don't know if I want to be here anymore,.

To_Old_For_This · ‎20-06-2018

Hi cantcope

I have been following your story and it sounds as if your head is in a better place now.
How are things with your wife? Are you still together? Maybe you should try reconnecting with her. You may just find that the love you once shared with her could be rekindled and offer you a lot more peace than chasing after someone who is aloof and sounds as if she just wants to play games with you.
Just a thought. I hope you find some peace.

cantcope · ‎20-06-2018

thank you for following my posts,.. yes,still with my wife, I am trying to rekindle with her, doing my best, havnt told her anything that's happened but she knows something has happened , shes doing her best to make me happy, she knows I have been to docs and have depression,. I know she loves me and I am doing my best to show her the same, but my heart is with the one I cant have,. i still have my bad days , havnt been to work , just want to be alone for now,i have got back into my motorcycle riding which helps clear my head but cant do that everyday if im feeling down,. i have more bad days than good in which i just lock myself away from everybody and everything. cant stop thinking of her and i know that maybe if she wasn't using things would be different between us,. but i cant make her stop using , that's up to her,., maybe one day i hope,. shes a very classy ,good looking , high standard women that you would never guess what she doing or using,.just got to deal with it in my own space for now. i guess it does make it easier for me knowing now why shes thinking the way she does, its the drugs talking, she has shared with me the most intimate things both physical and mental,. why would she do this if she had no feelings towards me?? i cant stop asking myself this.tearing me apart,. anyway, another lonely sad day coming tomorrow i feel,. thanks for your advice, to old for this,.

cantcope · ‎03-09-2018

well, where do I start,. my wife found all my emails to the other woman., she has told me to get out,. its done,. the other girl has told me she dosnt have the same feelings towards me as I have her., im such a fool,. never ever will I do this again,. I thought I had found my soul mate,. ,now I have lost everything, my wife, my kids, and I am left with nothing,. I cant move as she has locked down our bank account,. I have no where to go ,. I do still have my job but dosnt pay that well. I thought I had found my soul mate,. how wrong, love is blind they say but only from my side,.i thought I was at rock bottom b4 but didn't know there was another level below that. I am done, that's all,. finished, wont do this or life anymore,. easy way out

Sophie_M · ‎04-09-2018

Hi Cantcope,

We are so grateful that you have shared your story here with us and are sorry to hear how overwhelming your situation is at the moment. The community are here for you, please know that things can get better.

Our Support Services are trying to reach you via email as we are worried about you.

We would strongly recommend giving our wonderful friends at Lifeline a call - 13 11 14, they can talk to you and help you through difficult moments.

Keep reaching out to us and letting us know how you are when you feel up to it.

james1 · ‎04-09-2018

Hello cantcope,

I'm sorry to hear you feel really down. I would love to speak more to you when you are feeling up to it, but I can hear that maybe you feel really really overwhelmed right now.

I hope you can give Lifeline a call on 13 11 14 as Sophie_M suggested. I just posted here so it helps me bookmark your thread for when you want to post again.

James

cantcope · ‎16-11-2018

well, im still here, been a long junery, my wife found out about everything, , we still together, shes a strong strong woman, she loves me so much,. and im so so lucky,. we doing 1 day at a time , and shes trying so hard, and I do love her so much for this.,,. the other woman is still with me but only as a best friend,., I do still love her but I know it wont ever go any further ,. I still see her when I can but I think and know I have lost my wife as it was, ,. don't know how the future will play out between us but know it nots the same as it was.,./ im still trying to make it work between us but feel it is gone,.. thinking and planning for a life alone now,. my advice is if I could do it over again I wouldn't go down the same path as I did, the other woman has left me high and dry., she wasn't there for me when it mattered even though she said she would be,. its all about her!!!!,. I still am in love with the other but I can now deal with it,.. we will always be friends but its time for me to let her go as lovers,. so sad for me but what else can I do,... looking forward to what next in life brings ,.. still hoping the other ,..........................................................................

james1 · ‎23-11-2018

Hey cantcope,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel so lost right now. It sounds like you are really trying to move on with life but it is proving difficult. I am not sure of any advice I can give, but I am here to listen if you'd like to keep talking. It really sounds like you're in a tough spot right now.

James

kanga_brumby · ‎23-11-2018

cantcope unfortunately to many of us of both genders have done the wrong thing by our partners and been with another

You now have to rebuild the trust they had in you. some times not possible. With me I don't trust because I have been ripped off and they two timed me promising they never would or never would again. Best bet is don't do it again and forgive yourself. if possible find some one new be truthful you can still have secrets you dont tell them you have two timed but you don't do it again be true to yourself.

KANGA

cantcope · ‎27-11-2018

thank you 2 for response,. how she found out was through my computer, she or 1 of her friends hacked into it, 3 months ago., thought all was good since then only to come home last week to find she has done it again,. there was nothing for her to find, I have been on the straight and narrow,. been a good guy, trying my best to prove to her,. anyway I feel now I have been violated, , this is my private stuff, ,nothing to hide but the trust is gone, I know its my own fault, my doing, but if its going like this then I cant stay, I need to be alone then,. I now feel like im beening watched, violated,. I feel like a kid that's not trusted, cant do anything ,. I wont stand for this,.. is my fault but ...... I don't blame her,. I would do and feel the same I guess./ im in a dead end, she takes all my money etc, I have nothing if I leave, will be hard but I don't see any way out,. the kids don't trust me she dosnt trust me , cant even go up to the shops with out being questioned,....... the other girl and me are only friends now, I love her but know it wont be any more than that and I I don't trust her either anymore, I have really f..k up my life, ,.I would just like to leave every1 and go travel and live abroad somewhere,.be alone and start again, easier said than done at the age of 57 ,. guess it is and will be another chaptor in my life,. excited but very scared what life will bring,. just wish and hope the other woman in my life will get better in her head and turn things around for us,. im sure she is bi polar , shes so beautiful 1 day then the opersite next day,. she does my head in, a lot to put up with , hard to handle but shes got me, , if and I know I cant have her then I cant be with any 1 else, better off alone,.......................

cantcope · ‎27-11-2018

kanga , just a footnote, if I had the other woman, I would never ever do it again , she is my dream girl,. would be so ever happy to have her as my life long partner, she is my soul mate to me, but maybe not to her, but her mental state is holding her back cos of her last relationship , that's the main and only reason,. she dosnt trust any man now,. and I cant get her past that,...............