Guilt issues

[Grumpy_Cat]

Hi,

Ive been with my partner since I was 18. I'm now 27. I have struggled with alcohol and drug abuse for many years and have only gotten clean in the last 8 months. In this time I have turned my life around and with a clear head I am able to see all the lies I have told over the years. I slept with a woman when I was 21 and didnt tell my partner untill last year. We are working through it and I also told her about many of the lies over the years. It has been a rough year for us but I am trying to give us the best chance at working. I have told her as much as I can and what I think are the things she needs to know, and I cant relive the past 7 years of everything I did wrong. But I cant break free of feeling so down and guilty. I feel so low for something that I said to a friend when I first started dating her. We were drunk and having a huge fight and I told my friend i wish she had the personality of my ex girlfriend. This was something I said after a few months dating her and it is nothing to what i think now. I think she is the greatest person in this world, but I cant escape this feeling of betrayal which puts me in such a dark place. I really don't know how to move past these feelings and stop associating myself with the person I used to be. I have made huge changes in my life lately and I feel like if I can get past these feelings I would really be able to turn my life around.

[Jacko777]

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums Grumpy Cat.

Well done mate, you have done some hard yards, great stuff. You might have had some help to get clean? Don't hesitate to get some more.

There is the old and fairly accurate saying; 'All unhappiness is caused by a chord that is yet to sound or a chord that rung out long ago.' Something like that. Constantly bringing history into the present doesn't serve us, it saps our energy, we lose precious moments.

I practice not bringing the past into the present, I refuse to lose energy to something that I cannot control or change, whats' done is done. Meditation has helped me heaps to improve my ability to focus, on the positive and off the negative. If your partner has forgiven you then you can presume that is settled until you know otherwise yes? Now you just have to forgive your self. You are not that person anymore, send love to the struggling person you once were. Prove to your self and your partner that you are not that person any more, by being positive and loving and leaving the past where it belongs. It all takes practice! Talk any time.

Jack

[Jacko777]

Instead of feeling guilty, pull your self up and thank yourself for not being like that anymore.

[geoff]

hello GC, what an enormous effort you have done, firstly by giving up the grog as well as the drugs, that itself is something which people can not do, let alone stop, so there must have a great reason why this happened, maybe your g/friend, well I suppose it doesn't matter who, in same circumstances, the point being you had the strength.
This would make you a different person which has now made you feel guilty about all the lies so you wanted to own up, another great decision, but you will have to earn the trust she once had with you, and any slight abbreviation from the actually truth, you're back to square one, but that's not how we want to see this, so ask her about her concerns with you and when lied to cover up where you weren't honest, let her express herself, because that's what you need and want to know.
Her queries and what she knew was a lie are what is troubling her and keeping the doors locked so that you won't be able to get close to her.
Such an improvement in you to begin another life of love and honesty, well done. Geoff.