Grieving a relationship

[Fluke76]

I'm a mother of 3 and currently 8m pregnant. I'm here because the father and I have decided to separate and I'm struggling with grieving the relationship. We were together for almost 14 years but there is no trust here and no ability to build it, so we both agreed that this is what's best going forward. Anyway, my question is what do I do when I'm struggling. How long is too long to be upset? My thoughts make me sad and angry and I don't know if what's normal. It just recently hit me that I was so loyal in this relationship and looking back on it, it was all for nothing and I'm mad because I feel like it was pointless. I feel like I was lied to, taken advantage of and purposely disrespected the whole time and I still tried to work on it with him. I also feel responsible for my feelings because I was constantly trying to make something work that was clearly not working. I don't know how to manage the emotions I'm going through. I don't have any friends or family to talk to about this and I just need some advice. How do I do this? Do I fall apart or do suck it up?

[Mytk1921]

I feel your pain.. I'm currently going through something similar myself.

It's so hard to imagine life going forward and thinking back at my years of loyalty, only to receive this result..

I've too tried making it work, trying to forget about the things he'd done, trying to understand his shoes, but I now feel numb.. no emotions run through me any more and that's when I realised I can focus on myself again. 

It's strange how the mind and heart work for those who have been damaged. Shock, emotional stress and sadness, anger, then comes numb. 

You'll find yourself again soon x it's very normal to feel what you're feeling and it's only time that will heal.

You'll get through it and in no time realise you're in a far better position.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Well you allow youself to fall apart and when you are ready you then suck it up and feel the joy of recovering, that you'll get when you are feeling better.

Each of my long term relationships (duration 7,11,10 years and now happily married for 13, were emotionally difficult to recover from because the changes are so hurtful. This is normal with a grieving cycle. 

As soon as you separate, the same day actually, apply to child support. Any financial transaction prior to applying will not count in their calculations!!  Then apply and you'll receive 33% of his gross wages (if you have the children most of the time)- check with child support. Also same day make an appointment to Centrelink etc and apply for what you are entitled to eg pension.

After some time (each individual is different) you will recover and you will focus on what you do best- be a mum. Try not to think ill of him as your children will benefit with you working as a team to raise them and organise visitations and their needs. The mother of my kids was terrible to communicate with due to her attitude, I tolerated it for 14 years  until the youngest was 18yo and decided enough and never met or spoke to her since, 15 years. Some people have a bad resentful attitude towards their ex.

Log on here anytime you feel you need support. 

Try to concentrate on that baby about to arrive and they need you 100%.

TonyWK