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great day turned nightmare

_emily_1
Community Member

Need to vent.  

Just had one of the worst days. 

My mother and i (25 yrs) went to melbourne for a holiday. Mum had a reunion with old work friends so i went off for a couple glorious hours and sid my own thing. I had such an amazing time, hadn't been that relaxed in ages.

I met her outside the reunion at 4.30 and she was off her face drunk. Barely able to stand. Her douche bag friends leave her with me in the middle of a city that im not very familiar with and she can barely walk. I had to take her to the nearest park, watch her struggle to smoke because of how wasted she was then lean her head on my shoulder and let her sleep on a park bench for an hour. I then have to loop my arm around her and walk through the cbd with her struggling to stay up right while she goes through mood swings from finding it funny, to being pissed off with me, to massively depressed where she would break down in hysterical sobs and yell out thats she's an aweful mother. With all the crying and stops we have to take for her to sit and cry we finally make the 15 min walk in about 50mins. When we get back to the hotel to collect our things (we stay at relatives tonight) she trys to change her pants in the locker storage room, i suspect because she wet herself. Then i somehow get her out of the hotel whilst carrying 2 suitcases and a bag then sitting outside subway forcing her to eat and drink a litre of water whilst she periodically breaks down crying whilst crowds of footy fans walk by. At about 7.30 we slowly make the walk 2 blocks down to flinders station and eventually catch the train to the suburbs. 

 

Never before have i been so lost. I didn't know what to do. Who to call.  Now i have to listen to her go on about how she embarrassed herself. How shes an aweful person. How shes ashamed and hates herself. And she's gonna be really uncomfortable to be around cause she'll feel guilty. I then get to spend the next couple days trying to make her feel better 

It's only just hit emotionally. I can't believe she did this. I had been doing so well. The last couple years i had improved so much. Not so many lows, less mood swings, more optimistic and i stopped self harming. Now i feel aweful. I just want to go home.

 I know its selfish but its not fair! How could she do this to me!

3 Replies 3

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hello emily, well, it sounds like your mother has a problem with alcohol. Stating the obvious, perhaps, but getting her into some form of rehab will be the key here to things starting to get better, for her and for you.  It sounds like you feel you are responsible for her, you mention about having 'glorious' time on your own... are you feeling trapped?

Zeal
Community Member

Hi Emily,

I think you were very strong and resilient to hold it together that day! I don't think I would be able to cope with what you had to go through. I'm a 22 year old female, by the way. I also don't drink, so I've never been great at helping people who are drunk!

It's great that you've made progress during the last few years. This day may bother you for a while, but hopefully you will start to process what happened and recognize that it was your Mum's mistake and that you were as strong as you could be that day. As Jess has said, perhaps your Mum should seek help for her drinking, if this is something that has been a problem before. She should start by going to her GP. They can refer her to another professional for extra help if it's needed.

By the way, I don't think it's selfish at all for you to be annoyed and upset. That is a natural and reasonable reaction to what happened.

I hope you and your Mother can get past this event. It's good that your Mum does realise her behaviour was unacceptable and unfair on you. It's great also that she wants to be a good Mum. This doesn't make up for what she did, but it shows she cares.

Best wishes,

SM

pipsy
Community Member

Hi Emily.  Oh dear, what a horrible end to what started out so great.  Jess's suggestion about seeing your mum's G.P idea is great, except for one thing.  G.P's don't usually discuss one patient to another unless a prior agreement by the patient of the G.P.  I would suggest you ring Al-Anon.  Don't confuse that with Alcoholics Anonymous.  Al- Anon gives you coping skills that would help you in these situations.  Did your mum ever have a problem with alcohol or was this a 'one-off'?  If this was a 'one-off', I would put it down to a 'bad day' and try to put it behind me.  Not mention it again.  Her own embarrassment might stop her from a repeat performance anyway.  If she asks 'how bad was I', tell her without 'rubbing her nose in it'.  Next time she wants to get together with her friends, let her go alone.  Do you have other family members who could help?  I wouldn't tell her mates what happened, either.   Actually, joking aside, you're lucky she didn't regurgitate, that would've really capped it.  As I said, joking aside.  I'm not laughing, I had an alcoholic father so I understand how embarrassed you were. 

By the way, 'venting' is good for you.

Have a great day.