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Going no contact

batticus
Community Member

As you might have seen on my other thread

I have had to leave my GF of 5 1/2 years.

It's a horrible situation but we had no way forwards. Her wanting to move interstate, me wanting a life here. We talked and talked and talked. The uncertainty of that situation made me so unwell, even work knew something was wrong. I was so close to admitting myself to the hospital as my depression had spiralled out of control.

I went to see her on Wednesday to see if she had made a decision about what she wants. She hadn't even thought about it.

I explained how stressful this situation was getting. There's a degree of uncertainty that is bearable, this wasn't. The relationship meant everything to me, but it was hanging in the air for weeks. The stress was too much. When I told her how bad it was getting; she had no response. No empathy, nothing.

Anyway I told her that I have to break up with her.

I kind of liken it to proposing to someone where instead of saying yes/no they will say , "I'll think about it, let's talk Saturday"... Saturday comes ... "ok let's talk Tuesday, I just want to have dinner". That's how I felt.

I had to leave

In the 36 hours or so since she has started sending me text messages, gradually getting angrier in tone

I am being accused of ghosting her, undignified my handling of this break up has been; and how she thinks I hate her. I have respectfully replied saying I don't want to talk, and I don't hate her.

I have now blocked her on my phone, this seems drastic but I can't deal with the guilt she is making me feel. I realise she has traits of covert narcissism so some of this behaviour doesn't surprise me but I feel so torn up about this.

No contact is hard but anyway, the plan is this weekend to maintain no-contact and hopefully we BOTH can heal a bit.

3 Replies 3

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Batticus,

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment. The No-Contact is a great idea for the two of you to heal and grief the end of the relationship. It is certainly hard, and can trigger a whole mix of emotions that will require self-love and compassion to heal. But I'm certain with the space and time away from each other without any contact, you'll both make it through. Do your best to experience and process through all the emotions that comes from the break up. Feel it, and embrace it. It is what makes us human, and will help you through your stages of grief.

Hope you're able to show yourself as much self-love and care that you really deserve. You're a great person batticus, and although the relationship did not work out in the end, you've given it your best go, and you did well. Keep your support network close to you and reach out to them if you feel you need some additional support. We'll always be here for you as well if you'd like to continue chatting with the many lovely and supportive members of the forums :). Take care my friend.

Jt

JT

Thank you so much

I feel absolutely exhausted but I realise even in the short time I haven't been in contact how toxic the relationship was.

She actually has a copy of my house key regrettably. I'm staying with my Mum at the moment as I need to stay with people while I'm vulnerable like this.

On Monday I'm getting the locks changed so at least after that I'll know the house is secure. I don't think she's likely to cause that kind of trouble but I want to be on the safe side. This is uncharted territory for me, I want to be on the safe side of things if I can help it.

This is a scary time for me but I'm finally taking some control back to my life and in some ways that feels good. The guilt etc. will plague me but I'm optimistic that will fade with time.

Hi batticus, 

It sounds like a really difficult time, and we're really glad you're keeping people close to you while you're feeling vulnerable. Please remember that you can call us at any moment you need to talk things through on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat here. If you ever feel unsafe, this is an emergency and you should call 000

Please be kind to yourself during this. It's good that you're acknowledging the feelings of guilt, and we hope sharing this here helps you to work through these feelings. The forums are a really good place for you to talk through the feelings you’re having, try and make sense of them, and come up with more ideas for coping by reading the experiences of others who have felt like this too. Please keep sharing whenever you feel comfortable to.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M