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Girlfriend has left to work on herself.

Community Member

Hi all.

first time posting here.

To cut a long story short a girl I’ve been dating for 8 months has left me and come back 4 times in the space of the last 1.5 weeks.

she says she’s feeling extremely overwhelmed in the relationship with everything she also has going on personally and it’s nothing I’ve done wrong or personally and that she still loves me very deeply but she wants time get therapy to sort herself out to be better for her and for us but she needs to go about it on her own without me.

I’ve told her she has my full support but we’ve cut all contact so we don’t keep spiralling back and forth to each other again and again. It’s killing me not being able to reach out and see how she’s doing. I’ve told her when she’s ready I’ll be here for her. The silence and waiting is driving me mad but I’m not sure how to cope with it.

4 Replies 4

That Other Guy
Community Member

I spent last year with my wife talking about leaving me because of things she had going on. Honestly, i drank too much and was sad but i gave her all the space she needed and didn't crowd her because if i had, I'd be single right now.

My advice is make your support clear, show up whenever she needs you and give her all the space she needs, if you want her back

Community Member
Going through something very similar, and the not knowing is driving me crazy

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi PerfectImbalance,

I am sorry to hear this has happened. Break-ups sting, I would never wish the pain on anyone. Just give your ex the time they have asked for, it's all you can do. Focus on the hobbies you love, your family and your friends and over time that painful, soul-wrenching feeling WILL begin to subside bit-by-bit...until you are left with nothing but the memories. Everything happens for a reason and if you love someone - set them free, for sure. If she moves on, she does and it wasn't meant to be. If she works on herself and comes back, great. but in the meantime, you will be OKAY.

I am here if you need,

jaz xx

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello PerfectImbalance, it's always so hard when two love each other but suddenly one person develops one type of depression, but she has come back to you 4 times in such a short time, so she's trying to believe that she is able to overcome her problems by herself, but being in love is unable to have the strength that's needed to do this.

It is so difficult being the person left behind because you can rationlise your feelings, rather than someone suffering who only thinks in a negative way, but with help, she will learn how to cope with this.

Can I suggest that you also contact your doctor who can then recommend treatment for yourself, as you are finding this very difficult.

Ask them about the 'mental health plan, which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions to see a psychologist.

Take care.