Girlfriend got drunk and hooked up with another girl and feel like she isn't telling me the truth, w

[Walto17]

Hey everyone, just need some advice. Long story short: Went out with my new girlfriend for the first time at a club on Saturday night. She got pretty drunk and everything was good until a friend wanted to take her to the toilet, i didn't think much of it until after they came out 15 minutes later and she had told me that the friend forced herself onto her and took advantage of her and she claims that they made out for 10 seconds and she didn't enjoy it but didn't push her off which contradicts what she said. Anyways, her best friend went in after we were concerned and they were there for 5 minutes. We spoke about it the day later and we both agreed that it would never happen again. Anyways today i found out from her friend who went in there to help her that she remembered that they were both doing more than kissing which makes me believe that maybe other things went down that she doesn't remember or doesn't want to tell me. I'm not sure what to do, she blocked and removed the girl off all her social media accounts but i guess i'm not too sure what to think. I'm considering messaging the other woman just to find out if other stuff happened because things don't exactly add up. The other woman was married too by the way. Any advice would be great, good or bad. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Walto17,

We’re sorry to hear what you’ve been through. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you. 

f you feel like you could do with talking things through, please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277.

Thanks again for sharing here. We’re sure you’ll hear from some other community members once they spot your thread. We appreciate your kindness and openness in sharing to the forums, and we hope you can be kind to yourself, too while you’re going through this difficult time. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M 

[ecomama]

Hey Walto17, welcome to the forums, I'm glad you're here. Thankyou for sharing. 

You describe feelings of confusion with new GFs contradictory statements about her hooking up with another person. 
I get it! 

"confusion" by our partner's actions is a red flag of signs of abuse. 

And this was on your FIRST date out?
I'm shocked. This is very blatant, disrespectful behaviour towards you. 

Say you read a post from me, a woman, telling a similar story about my new BF spending time in the toilets with another man, doing sexual things. On our first date? 
What would you think I should do? 

I wouldn't need to ask, I would leave that garbage behaviour for some other poor victim. 

With tons of life experience behind me... there's no way I'd stay in a relationship with that going on. I wouldn't have at any stage in my life.
But everyone has their boundaries and this may not be a deal breaker for you. 

Then again, you wouldn't be posting here about it if it didn't upset you a LOT. You are right to be disturbed and upset, there's a lot of deception going on. 

I'd leave while the relationship is in it's early days. 
Totally up to you what you choose to put up with. 

Take care
EM

[Juliet_84]

Hi Walto17,

I must admit this isn’t a great start from a new partner on a night out. I suppose you are trying to figure out whether you can in fact trust her or not. It sounds to me as though she got pretty drunk and messy and had a drunken pash (or maybe more) with this friend of hers. It seems kind of unlikely that this friend, who has surely been in many similar situations with your girlfriend previously (?), would suddenly take this as their opportunity, particularly with her partner there? It may be that your girlfriend is usually trustworthy but is just a bit of a messy drunk, but that means that you are always going to feel uneasy and paranoid every time she goes out, even when you are with her it seems. If it was me, I’d contact this friend and get their side of the story as those are some pretty strong allegations. But I imagine you’ll probably get two different sides to the story and will have to decide who you trust.