Ghosting and rejection

[Von is lost]

I finally plucked up the courage to ask a guy I’d been casually seeing what he was thinking/feeling about us, and he just straight up ghosted me and hasn't replied in a whole week. I feel extremely hurt and desperate for answers, but I know there’s nothing I can do about it and I may not ever get an answer. I feel physically ill thinking about him but can’t seem to stop. I wish I knew how to value myself enough to know I’m better off without someone who doesn’t really want me.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I know how you feel, rejection is hard to swallow.

But, there is a saying "the benefit of the doubt". There is so many possibilities here, it isn't worth jumping to conclusions.

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TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Von, it is always upsetting when a situation like this confronts us, but there maybe a reason why, and he might be annoyed that he can't inform you.

If a guy is keen on someone, getting no comment doesn't mean they will stop trying to make any connection, so you can ring, go around and see him, remember there are a multitude of people we all know who got rejected first, but ended up being together.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi Von,

As humans, we all need to feel a sense of connection and when that contact is broken for what ever reason, it can leave us feeling lost, confused, grieved and upset. As Tony and Geoff have mentioned, there may be many reasons why this guy has not responded to you.

You could send a cheery hello, hope you are okay message and see if you get a response. Some people are just after a casual connection and don't want to think about anything too serious.

Do you have other friends you can connect with right now so the sense of loss is not so great?

Are there things that you enjoy doing yourself? Can you try to do more activities that give you pleasure and a sense of purpose?

If this guy does not respond, please remind yourself that is his decision and it does not reflect on who you are as a person.

If you had the opportunity to go somewhere for the day, where would you take yourself?

Me, I would head to a beach or maybe a national park, have a long walk, sit and enjoy nature, have a lavish picnic lunch, and take the long scenic ride home.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Von is lost]

Thanks for the replies. I’m pretty certain it was his way of ending things without having to have a difficult conversation. I’m finding it hard not to take personally, I’m not sure how it isn’t personal. I guess a consolation is that if that’s how he deals with conflict then I don’t want to be with someone like that anyway

[white knight]

indeed, that is a good way to view it.

I had a GF that was a closet alcoholic. Once discovered she turned it all on me. "its you being bipolar that drove me to it".

I knew then that we would never achieve harmony.

TonyWK

[Doolhof]

Hi Von is lost,

It is understandable that you are taking this personally, it shows that you care and you have a heart.

It is easy for me to sit here and make suggestions, I am not the one who is in this predicament.

Feeling rejected can hurt. I certainly understand that.

I hope that sharing here is helping you in some ways. Writing down what we are experiencing can help us better understand how we think and feel about situations and circumstances.

Cheers from Dools

[Guest_3256]

Hi Von.

I want you to know that it is perfectly normal to feel a sense of rejection. This usually stems from past trauma when you were a child. I like you and many others feel the same way, however, it doesn't mean you are not good enough. To be fair, they may not be good enough for you. Learn to by better for yourself and give yourself compassion because you are a great, strong and caring person. You sound like you'd make a fantastic partner. People like you are becoming scarce, so please own your fantastic and amazing qualities and if the person doesn't reach out, you don't need to wait for them.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Von,

I actually responded to another post with this information, but upon reading it I think it may be more relevant here. I’m sorry to hear that you have been ghosted by someone you were starting to develop feelings for, you didn’t deserve that. I decided to reach out as I have ghosted people in the past, and I suppose I want a chance to explain things from the other side. I was in an abusive relationship that I was in for 15 years, and that took almost everything from me, before plucking up the courage to finally leave. After awhile of being on my own (and many years of feeling all alone), I decided to dip my toe in the dating pool again, possibly before I was ready. I went on some dates with some really nice guys but I had a lot of trouble letting my guard down and would often freak out and get a lot of anxiety when I started to develop feelings. Instead of having that conversation with them, I let the anxiety take over and ghosted them.I had told some people before that when I wasn’t feeling a connection and no one ever took it well, and when people said the same thing to me, it stung. So I figured that I was doing them a favor, by allowing them to wonder “what if”. But I realize now it’s incredibly hurtful to not provide someone with that closure as to the reason why. But I suppose I also wanted to highlight that in none of my instances did I ghost a person because I didn’t like them. It had more to do with where I was at and had nothing to do with them. I think just give him space and hopefully he will work through whatever he has going on.

[Von is lost]

I am posting here again as a follow up on the same situation with this person.

So he completely ghosted me about 3 months ago and I was devastated when it happened. I had no contact with him since and I had unfollowed him on all social media platforms so I could start getting over him.

I’m not sure what brought me to do it, and I’m a bit ashamed that I did, but I messaged him today asking what went wrong with us to hopefully get some closure (which I know is basically impossible to get). He replied quite angrily, called me “full on”, and accused me of things I haven’t done.

Being who I am, quite a sensitive person, I really took this hurtfully. And my anxiety levels have been through the roof, I’m so worried that he thinks badly of me because of things I didn’t do/didn’t intentionally do. I’ve come across the term “gaslighting” before, not sure if anyone else has. I’m wondering whether that’s what he has been doing to me this whole time (being manipulative, never saying sorry etc.) or whether I really am too sensitive or a “crazy ex”.

I really really don’t want him to think of me negatively, but it feels too late and that there’s not much I can do about it which has made me so anxious.