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Friendship is a mess, what should I do?

Community Member
So this is a fairly long and complicated story so i'll do my best. I have a friend and we've been really good friends for a while now but about three weeks ago her sister moved in and the day I visited her and her sister it became a total mess when those two broke out into a fight. I know i'm biased but I felt that her sister was in the wrong and I told her sister off then I said that my friend should stay with me for a bit to cool down, which she did. After she left the next couple days seemed fine but I noticed my friend became a bit more distant I asked about it and she said she needed space so I said okay. I gave it a bit and asked if she wanted to catch up and she declined I was hurt but I understood. It then got to a point where I was lucky to get a text message from her. When I asked if something was wrong she just put it down too trying to focus on her studies. I was really worried I thought I may have done something so I decided to ask her partner if she knew about anything and I regretfully asked her partner not to say anything as I didn't know how she'd react. Her partner was not happy at all and proceeded to tell me off and explained that my friend was stressed and needed space as she wanted to fix things with her sister. I then got an angry message from my friend telling me off for contacting her partner behind her back but I felt I was out of options as I didn't know why she was so distant and I was worried I may have done something. After the fight I said we need to fix this, it's not that I even expect us to be friends anymore I just don't like to leave things this way. We did plan to meet up today but she cancelled last minute I then asked if we could reschedule but she doesn't want to. I don't know what to do anymore I feel there's a lot of issues between us and if it goes ignored for too long it'll fester. If it's true that I should give her space then I don't know what I did to make her feel she needed space from me and I still feel that no one is telling me why.
2 Replies 2

Community Member

hey girl, I hope you’re okay. I completely understand where you’re coming from - as I’ve been in a situation where I’ve been cut off and didn’t know whether I did something wrong or not. It sucks.

Firstly, maybe you should give her time and space. If this friendship meant anything to her (which I’m sure it did) then she should come around soon enough after thinking things through. I know this will suck, but time will tell. I promise you.

Secondly, I know that this is important to you, obviously because you’ve posted on here. But as her friend, just be weary and try to not make things worse for her. Maybe she’s copping it from her sister right now and wants to sort it out on her own. I’m sure she’s grateful for you and everything you have done for her, but it’s best not to get involved in their family arguments and problems - because it may fall back on you in the long run. Just reassure her that you’re here for her if she needs absolutely anything and that you don’t want anything bad to happen to your friendship as it means a lot to you. Leave it at that.

I hope this helps.

- Tomeeka

I'm going to be honest my friend hurt me alot. Last week I was in such a bad place that I pulled clumps of hair out and I started to believe that this was all a complete nightmare and nothing was real. I only wanted her to say she was there for me but she kept telling me to back off. I've supported her through things but I rarely ask much of her. I told her how bad things were and if things were said it wasn't said from a great place. I apologised but I wanted her to apologise or at least recognise that I've been hurt. She didn't, I tend to allow this quiet alot as I feel I didn't deserve the right to be upset but I do deserve that. If she does apologise in time then yes we can try to move on but if she doesn't I don't won't that kind of person around me.