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Fresh breakup and struggling to cope..

Community Member

Hi all

My boyfriend of 5 years and I decided to separate last week - we had been having some issues for a while and I wasn't happy for a lot of time towards the end - I felt like we weren't spending enough quality time together and that I was prioritising him but he wasn't me, and therefore I had a lot of feelings of frustration, sadness and loneliness during the relationship. However, when it all finally came to a head, and the reality of now being apart is here, I feel absolutely bereft. It may sound strange, given I was unhappy at times during the relationship, but there were also amazing parts and I just miss those so much.. maybe I'm also grieving for what it used to be and what could have been (I saw myself with him forever). I know I need to keep remembering the parts I wasn't satisfied with, but now I'm also feeling guilt for my part in things and regret that maybe I could've handled some things differently during the r'ship. I don't have many people to talk to, and he was my whole world and the only one I wanted to spend time with, now I feel I have nothing.

thanks for listening, probably sounds as though my my emotions are all over the place because they are.. I just feel overwhelming sadness.


4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Abbie, welcome

Such a tough time. I've been through that 4 times, each for over 7 years and once involving 2 children.

In 1996, two months after leaving my first wife I was grieving for those good times and ignoring the emotional abuse. I was thinking of returning. I chatted with my mate and he said "never go backwards, the negatives never subside"

I'm glad I didnt. What I did was plough myself into activities, in my case I bought land and built a kit home. Plus worked 2 jobs.

That distraction helped. I then began dating. I realised more than ever that there were other ladies far more compatible. It was 8 months after separation before I knew it would be totally the wrong decision to return. So that grief period is hard but with distractions, retail therapy, trips, finding new friends, movies, hobbies, sports...can take your mind off him.

Google' beyondblue Topic the best praise you'll ever get


Community Member

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your relationship even though there were good times there were hardships like feeling lonely and sad.

It can be quite a shock the initial separation and healing takes time.

Just know you have plenty support online!

Thanks Tony. Wise words. I agree the distractions and keeping busy is the best thing for me to do at the moment so am going to give it my best shot.

Hope everything is going well for you.

Thanks again 🙂

Thanks Natalia.