Freak out during COVID, left my girlfriend and moved back to my home town. REGRET.

Ceiling_fan · ‎21-01-2021

Hi,

I know my situation is no were near as bad as lots of people on here. However I am in an enormous amount of pain - haven't eaten or slept really for 4 days.

I had been with my partner for 3 years, we bought a house together in VIC, then in July last year I had a COVID freak out and decided I needed to move back to my home town in NSW. I asked her to come, but made it clear I was going with or without her. It took me 6 months to leave VIC, we stayed together the whole time. I have been back in NSW a month.

I was sad when I first got back to NSW, but 4 days ago I have realised what a huge mistake I have made. I am crying upwards of 5 hours a day. I have been to see a psychologist but nothing seems to help. The only thing that I can think about is going back to VIC and getting back together with her. I rang and told her this a few days ago and she said it is too soon, she is not ready. I feel like I had the life I had always been dreaming about and then I have thrown it down the gutter. I am so ashamed of how I behaved and that I didn't realise my decision to leave VIC was based on made up fears, and I had it in my head she would just follow me to NSW.

I have been a perfect boyfriend up until this. I just want to call her every second. Tt is so had not too - as she said, she needs space. I have told her I want to move back to VIC with her, but I have not told her about my not eating, sleeping and crying all day. Should I give her space? If so for how long? Or should I tell her that I am a bloody mess? I feel like I wake up into a nightmare every day.

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎21-01-2021

Hi there

No need to compare situations, if you're experiencing a hard time, then that's what it is. So sorry you're going through this. People reacted in various ways to the Covid situation, and this was your reaction. To me, it seems reasonable and understandable, but likewise, your partner being hurt is reasonable and understandable also. When someone throws us a curveball, we're left on unsteady territory.

If she has asked for space, in order to show her respect, you will need to give her that space. Is that something you feel you are able to do? It sounds like she needs some time to think things through. In the meantime, are you able to implement any self care strategies to look after you?

Keep talking here as much as you want. There are plenty of people to listen and care. If things get too overwhelming though, please call the support lines. The Beyond Blue people are lovely to talk to.

Katy

Abby-C · ‎21-01-2021

Hello,

Katy is right. As for now, give her space as she asked. You already told her how sorry you are, right? You have a valid reason and clearly a valid feeling. I know she would understand. A lot of people freaked out during the onset of the pandemic and it's understandable. Give her time. Focus on yourself and try not to be too hard on yourself. Maybe what happened happened for a reason. Maybe it's for you to realise how blessed you are to have the life you always dreamed of, so the second time around, you'd fight for it more.

quirkywords · ‎21-01-2021

Ceiling fan, you would not be the first person who made a decision to leave and the regret it when you did.
Abby and Katy have given you helpful advice. If you can practice self care that would help.

Ceiling_fan · ‎22-01-2021

Thank you Katy. I appreciate you taking the time to think of me and write that. I am trying to give her space but its been hard so far. Each day I think of something else I want to tell her. Timing is hard too I don't know to reach out in a week, a month or so where in between.

I have still been going to the gym every day (crying on the way there and the way home) but it is better than nothing

Ceiling_fan · ‎22-01-2021

Thanks Abby you are right, if I get another chance the relationship would be rock solid from my end - I know exactly what I want. I do worry if this has tainted it for her...

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎22-01-2021

Hi again

Keeping up your gym routine is amazing! And crying is ok - you gotta feel what you gotta feel. Holding it in isn't good for you. So try and allow yourself to be ok with it.

As for when to reach out, you're right, that is difficult. I presume she has the means to be able to reach you if she wanted to? I agree with you that it's hard when you really want to talk to someone. Maybe you can write down your thoughts for now? And just hold onto them.

Katy