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Found out hubby hit on my friend?

Community Member

Well first time poster here and feel the need to express how much hurt and pain I'm feeling right now. Hubby of 20yrs with 2 now teenagers and living a comfortable lifestyle all is Rosie with the usual ups n downs married couples have that we normally work through and get on with life. This time I feel I can't forgive and forget going forward after finding out 6yrs later my hubby hit on my friend one night when we went out he tried to kiss her and she pulled away and told him not to go there which she says he backed off. But this same night the pair of them didn't come back home till early hours in the morning and I've always sensed something happened between them that night. I have even had re-occuring dreams this has been niggling deep down inside me for yrs. So as things haven't been that great of late between hubby & I, I find myself reaching out to my old friend who I don't see that much anymore bc of lifestyle changes ect and asked her to be honest with me if hubby hit on her that night. She replied with yes he did he leaned in for a kiss on the dance floor but she didn't take it and further and that was it. She told me 3wks later hubby ran into her and apologised for his behaviour but I can't help but think more went on. She said the incident was put behind them and never discussed again. She didn't feel it was important to tell me and cause a drama bc she felt he was drunk and made a mistake. I don't know how to process this information and if one could say this is classes as cheating on his wife? I've been with this man for 20+yrs love him deeply but recently had my eyes opened and I've become aware that this 20+yrs have I been under a 'gaslight' as everytime when I tell him about certain things how they hurt me emotionally he tells me I need to get help I've mental health problems and I create alot of things up in my head and make a drama of them. I duno what do you guys think? Don't sugar coat it tell me your thoughts. 

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Braveheart ..... I'm unsure of exactly what to say but what kind of 'jumped out' at me was where you said that HE 'tells me I need to get help I've mental health problems and I create a lot of things up in my head and make a drama of them' .... that part really bothers me.

I'm a 'go with your gut' kinda gal, and in my experience, if my gut is ringing alarm bells, it's usually pretty spot-on. I've had plenty of bum-steers from other people, but never from my own deep-down gut instincts. I have also, on many occasions chosen to ignore my gut instincts and told myself "it'll be okay" or "maybe that person is right" ..... but my head and/or those people have been wrong .... not my gut.

Having said that ..... we are all human. We all ... well, in my opinion most .... have made mistakes somewhere along the way. Myself included. And sometimes we humans need to be willing to let go of what we cannot change.

I cannot tell you what to do or not to do in this case. I wish I had the right words to say or the 'right' advice, but I don't. I guess it is up to you as to what you want your next move to be. Whatever happens next, please remember that the BB community is here for you and with you no matter what. Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xox