Feels like I’m losing my best friend

[Zan11]

I’m feeling overwhelmed, the inevitable has happened and I still was not ready. My best friend who i’ve been intimate with for the last 4yrs ended it. When he told me, I felt a cold chill sweat in my body. Is that normal? It’s been 24hrs but I’m struggling to stop this anxiety and missing what we had. How do I stop overthinking? I can’t focus on anything, can’t accept it, even tho I knew it this day would come.  I want to move on quickly. I don’t want to feel this down. 

[white knight]

Hi,welcome 

So sorry to hear this news.

The reaction you felt was shock, quite normal but very uncomfortable.

The grief period you now journey through is unavoidable and it will come and go. As the days and weeks go by you can introduce some actions to distract yourself in order to minimalise the time spent thinking.

• When you feel like you are losing emotional control change your environment,  go for a walk, ring a friend, attend to a hobby
• Date guys when you feel able, enjoy learning more about them
• Attend comedies
• Draw up 1,2,5 and 10 year plans
• Write. I do poetry, it helps
• Take up new interests
• Review your outlook with the aim to boost your self esteem 

Google- Beyondblue distraction and variety 

I hope you are OK

TonyWK 

[Zan11]

TonyWK 

Thank you for your advice and ideas. Went for a walk this morning and feels a bit better. Those sad feelings come and go. Guess it’s a journey I must venture. I’m not that good a writer, but will try to jot some things down. I hate feeling like this, need to move past it quickly. 

[geoff]

Hello Zan11, your reaction is always such a shock, especially if you have been intimate for 4 years and to be told it's over is not pleasant at all and wonder why.

If you thought this was eventually going to happen, then may be consulting with someone could have avoided this, and this still could re-join the two of you, not unless someone else has been involved with him, then perhaps is it worth it, but very disappointing.

Can I ask why you thought this would happen, and I know it's personal, but if you could please get back to us.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Zan11]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for your response.

Firstly, we were friends and became more. We are at different stages of life, realistically we cannot be together, we both know this. Eventually, it was going to end. Still, it hurts when the end becomes reality and it hits home. I want to hurry this grieving process because I hate feeling like this. 

[sbella02]

Zan11,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Thank you for expressing your story here on the forums with us, I can see others have already given some great advice and I'm here to offer my own.

Firstly, it's okay to let yourself feel how you're feeling. Every time I've had either a friendship or relationship end quite suddenly (or even if it was a slow-burn ending), it hurts. And there's nothing much that we can do to stop that feeling. The best thing we can do is let ourselves experience the emotions as they happen - if you feel like you need to cry, or write something down, or go for a walk or have a chat to a loved one about it, it's good to express how you're feeling in whatever way you see fit.

Would you feel comfortable chatting to a GP, therapist, or psychologist about how you're feeling as well? They may be able to offer some professional advice and strategies if that would help you.

Of course, please continue to chat with us as well if you'd like. We're here to support you.

Take care and I wish you all the best,

[Zan11]

Thank you for your advice Sbella02.

I think speaking to a therapist might help. Just get it all out there I guess. 
He wants to remain friends, so not sure how to navigate this.

Perhaps it’s best to cut contact all together?