Feeling very confused

[Sparks16]

Hi everyone

Have posted on here over the years  with various things but looking for some advice from people who may have had a similar experience or have some insight to help.

Background - been in relationship for 7 years later this year, not married.

2 kids together

Relationship not great and hasn't been for years, sleep in separate rooms no intimacy, nothing for years but trying to work through it and make it work for the most part.

Got into a massive fight in the car the other day that got physical.

I was driving and accidently took a sharper turn than I meant causing my girlfriend to spill a hot drink on her freshly lasered skin on her face.

I instantly felt terrible and looked to pull over once It was safe to do so but before I could she started screaming obscenities at me and punching me in the side of the head telling me I did it on purpose.

Gashed my arm trying to protect myself, I managed to pull over and grabbed her arms to stop her hitting me eventually.

Miraculous I didn't crash the car or at least run up a kerb

All this happened while my 3 year old daughter was in the car.

She has gotten physical probably a dozen times in the past, I for one have never laid a hand on her.

In the aftermath I am the one who gets called the abuser, the narcissist and blamed for it, 5 days of silent treatment etc.

Would this be grounds for most people to leave a relationship? Constantly being accused of being the abusive one but am failing to see how this could be the case when I feel im the one who is being hit, put down, belittled, controlled, manipulated

Any advice or insight would be great

Thank you 😊 

[Croix]

Dear Sparks16~

Welcome back. It has been serial years now since you first had doubts about your partnership and the way you have been treated.

Reading your account of the coffee spill it would appear that your partner was the one in charge of her coffee and responsible what happened to it. While it is unfortunate it spilled on her there is nothing you did deliberately and to be blamed inappropriate. What is worse to physically assault someone who is driving not only means she regards you as being to blame  but has no thought of the  consequences of a driver losing control

Nobody can tel you if you should leave, that is your (and ot some extent her) decision. You have already two resources mentioned by Sophie_M, you can call on 1800RESPECT  (1800 737 732) and counseling with  Relationships Australia (1300 364 277). The can say what is regarded as reasonable by most people.

I guess you have several choices:

try to stick it out and have your self esteem eroded further

Use a threat of leaving as a means of getting you partner to realise things must change

or of course leave.

Two tihngs ot bear in mind are that apart from the financial hassles of leaving where shared custody of children is concerned it can be very difficult as your relationship does not end wiht separation but continues as you try to care for the children.

The second of course is the effect of your kids by either staying (and being given an example of an abusive relationship), or if you leave they are split between two parties.

This is not something you are rushing into, your previos posts show that, perhaps it is now time to take a form of action.

Croix

[Sparks16]

Thank you for the reply Croix.

Think I have pretty much made a decision.

I've had the silent treatment for almost a week now so I think I know which way it's going to go.

I had forgotten about my 2 previous posts in recent years

I'm certainly not a perfect partner and can admin I've made a few mistakes over the years.

Don't believe I deserve to be physically assaulted while driving a car and isn't the first time either.

Anyway will see what happens when I get home from work in a week

[Croix]

Dear Sparks16~

I am glad you remembered them now, it should help you get things in overall proportion.

Can I suggest which you have this few days breather before you return home you use them to get advice on your possible courses of action and the practical and emotional effects each might have?

It can seem straightforward to decide, however wihtout expert knowledge of the matter your choices might not be well informed.

I realy would like to know how you get on -provided you wanted me to know

Good luck

Croix