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Feeling lost and in love, tell us your reasons.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

We have many comments about being in love with someone but unable to achieve what we desire for many reasons.

Love is a beautiful word that can be expressed by just a small smile, a floating kiss or even a simple message that only has a word or two, such as I cherish you, I want you to be by my side or more adoring words, sometimes we are too afraid to show our love and causes problems that we were not expecting.

Why do we show our pets more love than we do with our partner/spouse?

All thoughts are welcome, both good and those that truly upset us.

Take care.

Geoff.

274 Replies 274

Hi Sleepy21,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. I am wondering if it is a societal thing at the moment, that if something or someone is not as we expect we exchange, complain, demand something better, get annoyed and do not persevere.

Are we also being influenced by media? Do we have a false expectation of what a relationship should look like?

I know some people do seem to have very close and personal relationships. I am happy for them and a little envious at the same time.

Some days I just try to accept myself and do things that I can enjoy alone.

Hello Sleepy, I'm pleased you have found the thread.

We can be drawn and attracted towards someone, but this doesn't necessarily mean that it's a physical attraction, may be they have the ability to have a discussion on many topics, inspiring you to feel bonded with them, because to like a person involves a number of different issues that connect you both, whereas being intimate may be the last thing on your mind.

Platonic love is a type of love that is not sexual or romantic and can occur in a friendship that's been going on for years, however. there can still be some physical attraction to them, this doesn't mean that you want to be intimate, but is important for us to know that we have friends with who we can just have a talk or go and have some coffee together.

Out of a group of friends we associate with, normally there are one or two people we feel more connected with and feel closer to, rather than the rest within the group, which may only consist of 3 or 4 people.

When we have been hurt in previous relationships, we are dubious about wanting to form any connections with another person, simply because we're frightened the end result will be the same, but we need to realise that beginning a new friendship there will be small hiccups along the way, which at first can be ignored or you both have a laugh, don't let this stop you from wanting to meet with another person, no person in the world are exactly the same, so there will be differences in how you think, that's what may draw you both together and begin to love somebody.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Dools, volunteering for an elderly home is a lovely contribution as some of these people enjoy a laugh, plus the company they may not usually have, and I myself have been to many nursing homes where the smile on some people once they see you, is heartbreaking, they must be sitting there only hoping you appear, but a relationship or friendship shouldn't be compared to your relationship with your mother, it's totally different and you shouldn't wish that it was the same with your mum, they are two different people, one is your mother and the other is a person you love to visit because of her reaction to you being there for a few hours.

You will always love your mum and she may also love you, it's just that she can't show it like the people at the elderly folks home, you need to separate these people and take them as they are.

Take care Dools.

Geoff.

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Geoff,

Looking at your opening statement on this thread has reminded me of a book I once read called "The Five Love Languages". The book discussed different ways people send out love and desire to receive it.

There are times I know I need to be loved and cared for in a certain way and don't appreciate the kindnesses that are shown to me as I feel it is not what I desire at that time.

Maybe I need to read that book again and be more open to how people do care!

Cheers to you and all from Dools

Guest_3256
Community Member

Hi Geoff.

You might have seen me floating around her on BB. My Partner and I recently reconnected (after I had to let him go to focus on improving his mental wellness) and we now lie with each other.

It was tough, about 2.5 years of him being hot/cold, push/pull and one day.....her clicked. He says that he realised he needed to mature, that he now accepts that I love him...his biggest obstacle was not trusting me but believing in himself.

Something that I have learnt from this ongoing journey is that when one partner is feeling it/ says that they aren't in love anymore, feels things are going stale etc....they simply need to love, value and believe in themselves.

As I have stated on the forum before, if one cannot love themselves, they cannot love others. So my partner realised that it wasn't hat we weren't compatible (in my opinion that is a fake statement), it was that he needed to love himself like I love him.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Geoff, and everyone...🤗..

I am scared to even be around men..sad isn’t it?...I crave to care for people. My sons who are too far away...My friends I sit back so I don’t annoy them with my care...

I don’t think it’s Love I crave for...Done that once and that was enough for my life time.....People need companionship I think more so then love..... to feel good about themselves..to have a reason to wake up in the morning...and get dressed..even go out to visit their friends for a cuppa tea...etc...

I put all my love and care onto my 2 fur babies...I know they love me unconditionally and I love them the same....They greet me when I get home from work with lots of screams, yelping, jumping and cuddles.....I don’t know and I’m sorry if I am wrong...does a spouse or partner greet us with so much love..Mine never did...My fur babies have all the time in their short little lives to be with me...So I suppose that’s one reason why I treat my dogs better then I treat myself...

A lot of people can say they love their spouses, partners, children and grandchildren...Without spending time with them...I believe that to love a person is to give them your time first of all..then compassion, care and then anything thing else to make them feel loved.....

I agree Geoff that love is a beautiful word....It can move mountains, lift up there loved ones spirit....

Can you genuinely love someone or a pet....without giving them your precious time?

My kind thoughts Dear Geoff and everyone..

Grandy..

Guest_3256
Community Member

Apologies for my previous post....my spelling is terrible today.

Hi Geoff.

You might have seen me floating around here on BB. My Partner and I recently reconnected (after I had to let him go to focus on improving his mental wellness), he moved in officially 3 weeks ago Yay!

It was tough, about 2.5 years of him being hot/cold, push/pull and one day.....he clicked. He realised he needed to mature, grow and learn to accept himself for who he is. The biggest obstacle was not trusting me but believing in himself.

Something that I have learnt from this ongoing journey is that when one partner is experiencing difficulties such as they are not feeling it/ says that they aren't in love anymore, feels things are going stale, compatibility issues....they simply need to love, value and believe in themselves.

As I have stated on the forum before, if one cannot love themselves, they cannot love others. So my partner realised that it wasn't that we weren't compatible (in my opinion that is a fake statement), it was that he needed to love himself like I love him.

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

thanks everyone for ur posts

some good food for thought.

some ppl say you never stop loving someone if u love them once

there are all these theories of love and almost rules

some ppl look back on something that they thought was love at the time, and see it was not in fact love

taht has hapened to me when i was younger. i had a very particular idea of the person i should be with, down to their eye colour, appearance, interests....

i kid you not, one day he appeared. I was in love. I told my friend I'd marry him.

Once I got to know him I found him scary and upsetting.
I remember him very early on justifyng hitting an ex partner "But she had been cheating on me..."
I should have left then.
I also remember being in the car with him and all the road rage.
So it wasn't love at all, but some hallmark thing of me growing up thinking I'd end up with someone who looked like a Disney prince.
Love is probably more subtle, creeping up on u. I wander how many ppl meet their partner in the most unexpected ways? love is very different to the movies.


Hi all,

There are some excellent videos from The School of Life (Alain de Botton, who is a philosopher) about relationships - on Utube. If you Google School of Life it will come up - just look up relationships under it. He is critical of romanticism and has some interesting, thought provoking things to say about how we choose a partner, why and how things go wrong, etc. Hope this might be helpful to some people. cheers.

Hello Jsua, yes I've seen you around many times and it's great to read your comment and so pleased you have both reunited with each other, this may not be easy to do unless there is true love.

I agree you have to love yourself before you can love someone else, and this can happen in many different forms, one is to have some confidence in what you believe you can actually do but too afraid to do it.

2.5 years is a long time but being in love makes you believe you trust that particular person, that's how strong this word means to those who are seeking a connection, but more so, an affection from another person and there is nothing more beautiful than this, it develops strength as well as confidence and we learn this being a child.

Compatibility between two people can be disrupted, simply because a mental illness has blocked a person from being able to think clearly, everything is distorted and the reality is floating around somewhere we are unable to grab hold of, it's like grabbing handful's of air, there is no sumptuous.

One way to overcome any mental illness is to begin to love yourself.

Take care Jsua.

Geoff.