Feeling lost and in love, tell us your reasons.

[geoff]

We have many comments about being in love with someone but unable to achieve what we desire for many reasons.

Love is a beautiful word that can be expressed by just a small smile, a floating kiss or even a simple message that only has a word or two, such as I cherish you, I want you to be by my side or more adoring words, sometimes we are too afraid to show our love and causes problems that we were not expecting.

Why do we show our pets more love than we do with our partner/spouse?

All thoughts are welcome, both good and those that truly upset us.

Take care.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello Grandy, I appreciate your comment in all sincerity and thank you.

Companionship is having a close friendship built on trust where both people enjoy spending their time together, which may or may not lead onto becoming closer, this may happen with a workmate and then develop into a romantic relationship.

We all love our pets in how they respond to us, by patting, grooming, feeding them and lying next to us in bed, (if they fit) but it's slightly different than loving a person, animals don't talk back, always know when something is wrong and definitely have a sixth sense when a lead is produced or even the car keys and don't talk back to us, whereas humans do.

When you're first in love you're met at the door for a welcome or goodbye kiss but as the relationship lengthens, this slowly disappears and humans can agree or clash with what has been said.

I believe you can genuinely love someone or a pet ..without giving them your precious time, if you're at work and just met somebody a few days/nights ago, then all you think about is being with them, likewise, you could be watching TV and your puppie could be lying down on their rug with their eyes glued onto you, that's love and I have to agree I give my puppies more attention than I give myself.

Lovely to hear from you Grandy.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello Sleepy, you're right, I think we all believe that someone matching what we want them to look like will be our perfect match, sometimes we're lucky but our personalities may clash, they prefer white, while we like black, so it's undetermined until we get to know them more.

One problem is that we may see someone who we believe we would love from a distance because they're attractive or handsome, dress well and seem to communicate well with other people, but once we start talking to them, they may come across as domineering or perhaps controlling and not suitable to have a relationship with.

If you have loved a person, but then they have suddenly changed to go against everything you've said, then love is no longer present, although there still may be fragments in them that you still love but couldn't be with them forever.

Take care Sleepy.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello Hanna, many thanks for providing this information and will definitely have a look.

Thanks.

Geoff.

[WaterFront]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for starting this interesting and thoughtful thread.

There’s an old saying ‘It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all’. Might sound a little trite.

I have been thinking about that quite a bit lately, trying to decide if it rings true. Even after all the pain of breaking up and being rejected by someone (which I am still trying to work my way through after a whole year), I am grateful that I had them in my life for the time that I did and grateful for all that we shared together.

Was it worth the hurt I am feeling now and the way I was treated at the end? I’m not so sure about that! Maybe for some it is true and for others not. Time and perspective might eventually provide an answer.

WaterFront

[Guest_1643]

Hi Geoff and warm hello to everyone posting here and thank u so much for interesting points all

Interesting Hanna - thanks for those tips

i guess if we keep seeking for answers and insight we may learn about how we are in relationships, which can help us be a better partner, or in turn, attract a better partner

Good relationships sometimes from the outside seem mostly about practical things,

really i would like to someone to "do nothing" with at times, to chat, reflect on the day, watch a movie.

Those quiet moments are soothing to share with someone who you care about a lot. Moreso than any exciting adventures or trips

[geoff]

Hello WaterFront, It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, is an interesting proverb because those who have loved someone so deeply over a period of time may think to themselves that it's now so hard because someone they had loved has finished the relationship and would have preferred not to have loved at all, whereas if you're on the other foot, then all you need is to feel the love from another person.

It's not easy to try and justify this to someone as normally they will disagree when they've lost someone they love and may feel differently, although it could have a purpose, it shapes the way you handle future relationships.

Not to love makes a lonely existence because you can't feel the warmth of a person next to you.

I wonder whether we seek another person that could, in theory, love us more.

Take care.

Geoff,

[Guest_1584]

Big hi to Geoff and all , love the thread Geoff no pun intended.

l have many thoughts on love and especially of late , last few yrs. l hear you sleepy and others in becoming fearful of feeling love again because , love can hurt you. lt's such a shame , a sin that the two words even be used in the one sentence , but it can .

Sadly l will need to trust 110% to love now , and l hate being like that . But since l become single again after marriage , and older , so disappointingly it seemed to be one of the biggest things for newly single people like me out there , trust, to trust again. Met lots of people denying themselves and preferring walls and a refusal to be hurt again , even at the expense of not allowing love again, feeling it , fighting it away.

l don't want to be this way and l hope that at the right time and right person the guards will leave their post before it's too late.

rx

[Guest_1643]

i'm realising how much my early experiences have shaped how i am in relationships

i've not had very healthy ones generally, i've accepted partners who were wrong for me and also said no to those who were "right" - whatever that means.
I've probably wanted more to end up alone, which is maybe why i was sabotaging.
I thought I was being age-appropriate, dating, having traumatic break-ups and make-ups, in my 20s, but i think looking back it all did a lot fo damage to my self esteem.

i fear no one will be interested in me now with all that baggage.

I don't know what kind of person i'd like, but i'm skeptical about love. It seems to much hassle tbh. An entanglement.

[geoff]

Hello RX, I like what you have said, and yes 'love does hurt' probably more than anything else because when the person you love hurts you in some way, which does happen in all relationships and how often do we hear that a couple that have been married for 50 years and unfortunately one of them passes away, it's not long before the other one does as well, they are heartbroken in losing their soulmate and can't bear to be without them, that's true love.

Another example is when two people who have shown their love to each other over the first two months of their r/lationship and one person gets upset, how does the other one feel, lost, devastated and feel the love reunion won't return, has no idea of what they're going to do, except to try and make up with that person they idolise, the one they dream about and the one they talk incessantly about to everyone else, which may seem to be difficult but actually it's not because all you want is to be able to cuddle them and don't forget it goes both ways.

Thanks for resurfacing this thread RX.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello Sleepy, I understand what you are saying and I'm so many of us have formed a relationship either with a partner or workmate because we quietly love them, but once we get to know them more, we begin to realise they're not the person we had anticipated, you can't blame yourself for doing this, that's how you establish yourself and learn each time this happens and expand your knowledge.

We all have baggage, some can put it behind themselves and push it away, although learning, while others find it difficult to do, but with each relationship, new prospects appear, different attitudes and ideas that once before you wouldn't accept, but now you've changed your mind and allow some of it.

Take care.

Geoff.