Feeling a bit lost

[Grace994]

I am having a bit of a rough time and just need some words of encouragement.

Over 10 years ago my family fell apart. Mother cheated and moved to a different country, she seems pretty happy now despite not having a relationship with me since. Her family also stopped talking to us. Dad and I grew closer over the following years but then he met and married a very cruel woman who is a narcissist and turned my dad against me. She made blatant lies that my partner also confirms were never true. I became estranged from my dad and brother and lost all family contact, until last year where I tried to reconnet with Dad. Its okay-ish now, but its very toxic. He has also become a narcissist and is a major workaholic. He never has time for me, we go months without talking. Then he'll talk to me as if no time has passed.

My brother's only contact is sending me irrelevant videos on instagram with no context, that he also sends to other people. He and my husband have more of a friendship and will occasionally hang out with his friend group playing games and board games. I'm not really invited and just sit at home watching tv to not feel lonely. I try not to make it that obvious to my husband cause I don't want to effect the only friendships he has. But I'm desperate to play board games with friends, its one of my favourite things to do but I haven't done it since my school years.

I've been left out of the family Christmas lunches the past few years which I never expect to be invited to but it still really hurts to feel like no one cares. Dad says that his wife bought our most recent xmas presents, but I discovered they were all bought from a charity shop..my dad and his wife are quite well off and recently dropped $3k on a new couch....so it sucks to be treated so poorly. Not that I want expensive gifts, but the purposeful lack of thought hurts.

I have no real friends and always feel like I have to flog a dead horse to organise a friendly catch up that never goes anywhere, but its never reciprocated.

My husband is loving but has no idea how to help me and that just makes me feel worse.

I feel really lonely, abandoned and let down. I can't afford therapy right now, though I know it would help. I'm just not sure what to do to feel better. I am a big family oriented person, so to not have any is really difficult for me. Really need some advice on how to feel better. 

[Croix]

Dear Grace994~

Welcome here to the Forum, it is a place where some find that htey have almost have family type relations with some here. I certainly have a circle of freinds I talk with , be serious wiht, joke with and enjoy thier company.

Being loved by your partner is no small thing, and can make up for a lot. Incidentally you are a very caring soul taking his well-being into account however I'm not sure hiding that you really enjoy board games and feel left out is the best way to go. You mentioned despite loving you your husband is unsure how to help -this is one area where he may be able to.

Rather than disrupting his circle of friends you might well add to it. By playing wiht enthusiasm and obvious enjoyment others may feel good, not put upon.

I can well understand why cheap presents may make you feel undervalued,  It may be this is the influence of your dad's new wife who you have said is against you , and if it was not for your dad resisting her influence for your sake nothing might have been given at all.

He does not appear close, but must want some contact with you, and the only reason I can think of for that is love.

I can't say much about your brother and his Instagram posts, the only upside being you are included, even if they seem to be meaningless.

You  family does seem pretty fragmented and distant, so I guess looking to your own life and trying to make your own friends though work or other activities might be more helpful. I'm not saying that would be easy but might be worth aiming for.

I would expect when you can afford it that some counceling might be a help. After all a fragmented family who seen to not value you makes a huge difference to how you regard yourself and trust of others.

In the meantime you can always have the comfort of a human voice by calling our 24/7 help line.

Croix