Feel lonely and neglected

[Bluebell1]

I’ve been with my partner for 18months and I’ve come to a crossroad. In 18months nothing has progressed we still live seperately

he gets angry when I bring up living together

he also does his sport twice a day almost every day so we see each other once a week if that

he says he will make more time but in 18months nothing has changed

I’ve seen him a handful of times since the start of this year

i feel like an after thought or part time girlfriend rather than apart of his life

it hurts so much to think of ending it but I’m at a loss as to what to do

when we spend time together it’s good but I feel like he wants to keep his life exactly the same with me in it how do I make him see he needs to compromise and make me a priority

[Betternow]

Hello there Bluebell1

I’m sorry to hear your relationship is not delivering to your expectations. I choose the word “expectations” deliberately because this is the point that is not settled between you and your boyfriend.

You describe him as your partner but what is his view ? Have you sat down and had a conversation with about your relationship expectations? You say he gets angry when you broach the subject of living together. That’s not a good sign, Bluebell. As a matter of fact, that’s a major red flag for me.

Many young men are happy to roll along in a relationship if it suits their lifestyle. They don’t necessarily think too far down the track. If your expectations are not aligned with your boyfriend, it may be better to close it rather than try and change him against his will.

Good luck.

[Rosiemay1991]

Hi there

im really sorry you’ve also been through this. I had a relationship exactly like this for 4 years and it literally doesn’t get better. No matter how much he promises it will - if he isn’t willing to make a change at 18months then it never will.
It isn’t a relationship if they’re unwilling to talk or shuts down. It isn’t compromise it’s one sided and it’s hurtful. I hope you stay true to what you want and talk it over with a friend or councillor etc. I wish I had.
mom sorry that this is a gloomy message but unless you both have a big chat about things it’ll stay the same and it will break your heart.

[SoloDad]

There is another way to look at this. He is happy and content with his life as it is. What is in it for him to change the life he is living contently?

I don’t think people can or should live their lives trying to appease the other person, or making someone other than themselves and their kids a ‘priority’, perhaps you need too much form him and he needs too little from you?
some food for thought 🙂

[Bluebell1]

That’s true thanks

but if he isn’t willing to change his life why get in a relationship then seems like a waste of time

[Betternow]

Hi Bluebell

I agree with SoloDad and RosieMay. You ask why would a young man get into a relationship in the first place if it’s a waste of time?

The answers to that could be many. A young man may enter a relationship because it’s easy, doesn’t cost him much in terms of emotional output, it may align himself with his peers, sex, he may genuinely like someone but isn’t ready for a long term commitment.

SoloDad makes a good point. If you have to work hard to get him to come around to share your relationship goals, then he is certainly not the person for you. Even if he were to change for your sake, that is hardly a solid foundation for the future. A partner has to genuinely want what you want, that’s the very definition of a partnership.