Feel like giving up on love

[AussieFellaQ]

Hi there I'm in my 30's and new member.
Kinda nervous about posting how I feel.
Don't know where to begin so I'll do my best I suffer from
Depression and anxiety and I'm also Gay for most of my life
I've wanted nothing more than too be loved and too give love.

I've had a few failed relationships one was a Girl back in my teens
then I figured out I was gay not long after I re content with my old school mate
We was together for near on year before he cheated.

Once Ingot past that it took a while too put myself back out there.

When I finally did, I met this guy who I thought was terrific I built a friendship with this guy.
for nearly 6 years. Eventually we got together in 2019 and I let him move in
with myself and my family.

Only too discover that four months later he was not the person I thought he was.
He was addicted to drugs and started with abuse of all kinds and
I kept telling myself. It's okay he's going through a lot so I stayed in the
relationship hoping that one day he will go back too the person I first fell for.

I kept telling myself he's only hurting me because he's been through some
bad things and I didn't want too give up on him because I always give people chances
and even tho my family told me and friends told me he is not right for you he won't change.
I still believed he would and still kinda do even now I'm not with him no more.

I keep telling myself every day that he is no good for me and it takes
a lot out of me trying not too contact him. But on the other hand I hate
what he has done too me from the abuse and I feel like he's destroyed everything about me
I feel like I won't ever be able too fall in love again and that I'm too damaged
for anyone too have.

I feel like I'm not worthy enough or too ugly not smart and I just can't
see myself in the future ever wanting too open up or love someone ever again.

I feel like and know that I won't be able too or too trust again
because in my mind I'll be thinking what if they hurt me what if I get
cheated on and the thought of that I cant do.

And recently I've been thinking it's not worth the Hart ace because
I know I could not stand too get my heart broken again.
An I don't know what else too do because ATM I feel completely alone.
Even tho I've got loving family I just feel empty hurt and feel
Like I won't ever be able too trust or love no one else again.

[monkey_magic]

Hi AussieFellaQ,

Welcome to the Beyond blue family!

I'm a female also in her 30's who has been through her share of abuse and have had similar thoughts to you so I thought I'd reply and hopefully shed some light on your situation.

It makes sense that you would be cautious about falling in love, trusting, and getting back into another relationship because you have been betrayed many times.

You also said you've wanted nothing more than to love and to be loved- don't we all!
I believe in grabbing the best things life has to offer and love is one of them. I wouldn't give up on your dream just yet.

Have you ever had any professional support for your anxiety and depression? This could be a good start. I saw a psychologist I clicked with for 10 sessions under a mental health care plan for free. I was able to purge a lot of stuff, make sense of things and feel better.

I also gave myself time to persue my own interests after abuse, being cheated on etc to gain some strength, confidence and resilience. So I stayed single, and still am single a few years later. I've seen men but nothing too serious in that time.

Statistically abusers rarely change...so your family and friends are giving you some sound advice there.

If your self esteem is low for whatever reason and you don't feel worthy, attractive or smart enough etc I'd work on those things or focus on what you do like about yourself. We all have something to offer to someone.

Love also comes in many forms. Even though I don't have love for a significant other, I love family and friends and that fills me in the meantime. Some ppl have pets which they give and receive love from.

This is your thread to write in as often or as little as you like. If u want to you can engage in other threads with ppl who feel the same way as you as well.

Thanks for opening up, hopefully you'll hear from and get to know other members here as well.

Keep the faith,
💟

[Guest_3256]

Hi AussieFellaQ, nice name btw.

I can feel for you being in a very similar situation and I will share with you that I identify as Gay too. You're defiantly not alone in your experiences and you are very strong and compassionate about yourself and your partner. I'd like to say that you attract what you give out. If you believe that this guy is really someone who you love, help him grow and developed but know that you cannot change him.

People need to accept others for who they are and that's where a lot of us fail. Sometimes we are to distracted by one's flaws, that we struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Relationships are about learning your SO's weak points (you have identified this) and then working together to put in actions to overcome these issues. If you believe that you are mentally and physically capable of helping him grow and that you can nurture him through his difficulties, than you are one step closer to getting what you want...…..and deserve.

If you are being abused, you need to enforce your boundaries, something I learnt from my ex boyfriend (I still love and miss but he needs to work on himself) by knowing you self-value; your blood is worth bottling. Understand that once you value yourself, you cannot be walk-over or abused. Abuses only usually abuse vulnerable people and I was that kind of person.

To conclude, know that you are more valuable than you realise and know that you can have this amazing wonderful loving person the way you want and deserve. Good luck, from one Gay to another. Be brave, be strong.

[Kahil12]

Hey,

Sounds like you have gone through a rough time!

But the above advice is what will ultimately lead you to a better place.

It sounds like you don't love yourself and lacking healthy self-esteem!

Focus on fixing this and a lot of things will fall in place, we often rely on the external world as a source of happiness, this ain't the way.

In terms of practical advice that you could apply, I would say start with daily exercise, 10 min daily meditation and gratitude journey (write down three things you are grateful for!) this can be as simple as the fact you can walk, you realise that some people don't have any damn legs!!!

Good luck! you have all the potential to make the life you want.

[clown_of_mine]

thing is Aussie the pages will turn on the story of your life and there are better days ahead , just stop looking back.

put all your troubles out with the rubbish and then dare to start a fresh , take what you learned and grow.