Family Pictures

[ALu1993]

I recently viewed a photo of my mum with her new partner and his parents and while I thought it'd make me happy I felt quite sad about it. When I saw it I thought about our family photos and when the last one was taken with us all together before the family broke down and how at the time we had no idea it'd be the last. I began feeling really sad at the idea that now each member of the family is becoming more and more disconnected with each other. It's no longer photos of us it's photos of my mother with them, my brothers with them my father seemingly pictured no where. Like a branches broken from a tree that have been split and now growing out from another. Probably not the best analogy.. every time I look at a picture of them I wonder if they're thinking the same thing, or feel the way I do. Feeling like we are all trying to continue our lives with another family like an outsider waiting to be let in, when we could all just turn around and look at each other and feel like we belong, together. Will I forever feel this way, knowing that at one point I had a family before. I miss them all, I wonder if they feel this way too. I wonder if we are all hurting the same way, like an outsider, feeling alone. I wonder if my brothers feel like this, I wonder if my mother feels like this I wonder if my father feels like this and if so I wonder why we feel like being apart is better than being together. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi ALu,

I think you have a very beautiful, almost poetic way of expressing yourself. Through your words, I felt your angst, sadness, loneliness & perhaps a huge sense of loss.

I feel it must be painful and perhaps strange to see your mum in a photo with a man who is not your father. I think maybe seeing that photo made your parent’s separation feel very real, as though now there is something concrete & tangible to that shows how your parents are no longer together. I understand that would hurt...

I wonder if maybe this is part of your grieving. Grieving the loss of the family you once new. Perhaps you’re feeling forced to let go of the family you knew for something very different & unfamiliar...

I feel sad about your feelings of isolation. It must be very lonely. I wonder if there’s any way to perhaps try to rebuild some of that connection? In particular, perhaps with your brothers, because in many ways, I feel they are also going through the same thing as you.

I understand that their perception of the situation may or may not be similar to yours. But they have still lost their old family and, like you, have also had to find their place again in a new concept/understanding of family. I’m wondering how you feel about that idea...

I’m glad you’re opening up here. I sense so many brewing emotions. Sometimes I feel it can be cathartic to emotionally purge here, so please don’t hesitate to do that. That said, of course there’s also no pressure to share any more than you want...only when & if you feel like writing/sharing.

Thinking of you with kindness & care.

Pepper