Ex wife upsetting me - trying to move forward

[Guest_7403]

My wife left me 6 weeks ago because my cptsd was out of control and I wasn't making any efforts to get better.

I went to a private mental hospital for two weeks in an attempt to start my recovery.

Whilst in there she reached out and said maybe she'd like to try, she went back and forth the entire time and basically disrupted my hospital stay, upsetting me daily.

When I got home, she came over from her mums and hugged and kissed me, she did this for three days straight.

I messaged her on day 4 and said I felt really good and thought we had a real shot at this, she replied and told me that the romantic kissing meant nothing and she only did it to make me feel better.

I was upset and very hurt by her actions, as it meant more to me then nothing.

I awoke the next day to a message telling me she loves me but she doesn't want to try, doesn't want to continue and to respect her decision and not contact her.

So i haven't as I just want to heal and move on with my life and accept my marriage is over.

She works at my work and when I return from my work cover itll be hard to see her.

But today I get a knock at the door, and it's the police doing a welfare check on me saying that my wife has called and is concerned for my safety because I haven't messaged her and I haven't responded to my work place.

This is a lie, I spoke to management last week about my health and future plans.

I recieved a msg from my boss saying he's here to talk if I need anything just before the police arrived.

It's upset me, as I have respected her wishes, have done nothing wrong.

And now she's discussing my mental state with my bosses and making me out to be unstable which is untrue.

I just want this nightmare to end and move forward with my love. This just makes going back harder.

[Guest_7403]

I've officially signed up to study yes, but right now could careless about it.

I think reality has set in over the last few days and it's all just too much to process.

I've never been discarded in my life, like I'm nothing...worthless

[Guest_7403]

Felt alot better yesterday, and today I feel good too.

Lots of friends supporting me and family, regular catch ups and phone calls.

Finding that when those sad thoughts or feelings for her float in, they are less intense and I'm tolerating them a little better.

Still early days but it seems a little brighter today

[quirkywords]

Borderline, it is early days but am pleased you have had a couple of good days.Support is crucial and I hope you can get as much as you can.

You can post here anytime you wish.

[Guest_7403]

It's 4 weeks ago since she said she was done

I reached out on Friday and was brutally shot down, said shes never been happier and she'll never come back to a toxic person like me ever

I'm doing everything I can, eating healthy, trauma psychologist, walking, lifting weights, not drinking, reaching out too friends, taking my meds

I feel worse now then I did weeks ago, my mind will not switch off, I think about her all the time, I'm getting terrible anxiety at bed time because i can't sleep....and when i wake up its like bang....straight back into thoughts of her

I've got uni starting in two weeks and waiting on the ptsd program to start back up

I just don't know what to do, I can't go on like this any more, everyday is such a battle 

Life doesn't get better it gets worse. What's the point in waking up to this everyday....its not living, it's existing in hell

[Sophie_M]

Hi Theborderline,

We're sorry you're in such a dark place just now and want you to know we're here to provide as much support, advicee and conversation as you need.

We want you to know help is always available to you and things can get better.

Our support service is reaching out to you via email as we are worried about you.

We'd strongly encourage you to also consider reaching out to our firends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Suicide Call Back Service - https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/- on 1300 659 467.

Please check in and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[quirkywords]

borderline

Sorry you are feeling so low.

You have helped so many people on this forum now you need to be kind to yourself.

Sophie has given you some suggestions.

You have overcome many obstacles and hard times in your life.

There is support here for you.

[Guest909]

G'day Borderline

It sounds like you are going through another "rough patch".

I was the same; 12 months later I'm still have problems from time-to-time. The good new is that the rough patches aren't as bad or as long as they once were.

During my dark days, I went to see a phycologist which turned out to be less than helpful. That being said, when I was sitting in the phycologist's waiting room I pick up a book called "The Happiness Trap, Stop Struggling, Start Living" by Dr Russ Harris. That same afternoon, I went online and purchased the book.

Long story short, the book changed my life. I stopped seeing the phycologist and read the book. From what you have shared, I think the book might be of some help to you. It won't solve your problems, but it will help you get those problems under control. The book will help you understand what is going on and why. It then goes on to provide some very helpful exercises

As you well know; there is no magic bullet; but I think the book might help you. It certainly got me through the darkest of times.

You will get through this!

[Guest_7403]

I had suspected that my wife had a thing for a guy at my work months ago before she left me, I even said it to her as she kept bringing him up in conversation....i thought it was strange but I'm a trusting person so never gave it another thought.

The way in which she left me, so cold and callous, no interest in trying to save her marriage or work with me on issues just seemed so out of character and I've been struggling to comprehend how and why she left so suddenly and with such finality.

Today I was walking at the park and I ran into the guy who I suspected she had a thing for, I know him aswell and we stopped for a chat.

He asked me how the family was, and I told him that my wife had left me 4 weeks ago.

He replied and said "ah mate so sorry I didn't know, but she's been hitting me up on Snapchat now for a while"

4 weeks ago she was talking about trying, kissing me, hugging me and then within a day turned and said no I'm done.

Now I hear this....and sounds like it's been going on for a little while

I feel completely betrayed by my wife, humiliated and cheated on.

This whole time I've been reaching out to her, trying to get better and to find out shes been trying to see this guy only 2 weeks after leaving her marriage....i think it's disgusting and deceitful

She's blamed our marriage breakdown on me, told me I treated her poorly, I'm toxic etc and I've been carrying this guilt around with me. But it's obvious to me now, she clearly has feelings for this guy and wants to see if he's interested.

I feel foolish and like I'm nothing. I can't cope with all this

[Sophie_M]

Hi Theborderline,

We're so sorry to hear how upset you are right now, but please know that you are not foolish. It's really great that you've come here to express how you're feeling with our community, and we just want to let you know that we are currently getting in touch with you through email.

We hope that you can find some comfort here, and hope that you continue to keep us updated on how you're going when you feel ready.
 

[quirkywords]

Borderline,

That must have been such a shock for you to find out from that guy the real story with your wife.

You are not foolish she made up a story about what happened.

I know you were a good husband and tried so hard to make the marriage work.

Mr Paul had some suggestions. Maybe you are not ready to read a book but down the road you may feel like having a read.

You have friends and you are a worthwhile person here and in with your friends and family.

Reach out for help and look after yourself.

It is rough now but hopefully it will get better.``