Ex wife upsetting me - trying to move forward

[Guest_7403]

My wife left me 6 weeks ago because my cptsd was out of control and I wasn't making any efforts to get better.

I went to a private mental hospital for two weeks in an attempt to start my recovery.

Whilst in there she reached out and said maybe she'd like to try, she went back and forth the entire time and basically disrupted my hospital stay, upsetting me daily.

When I got home, she came over from her mums and hugged and kissed me, she did this for three days straight.

I messaged her on day 4 and said I felt really good and thought we had a real shot at this, she replied and told me that the romantic kissing meant nothing and she only did it to make me feel better.

I was upset and very hurt by her actions, as it meant more to me then nothing.

I awoke the next day to a message telling me she loves me but she doesn't want to try, doesn't want to continue and to respect her decision and not contact her.

So i haven't as I just want to heal and move on with my life and accept my marriage is over.

She works at my work and when I return from my work cover itll be hard to see her.

But today I get a knock at the door, and it's the police doing a welfare check on me saying that my wife has called and is concerned for my safety because I haven't messaged her and I haven't responded to my work place.

This is a lie, I spoke to management last week about my health and future plans.

I recieved a msg from my boss saying he's here to talk if I need anything just before the police arrived.

It's upset me, as I have respected her wishes, have done nothing wrong.

And now she's discussing my mental state with my bosses and making me out to be unstable which is untrue.

I just want this nightmare to end and move forward with my love. This just makes going back harder.

[quirkywords]

The borderline

i am glad you had a good day yesterday and started tinder.
I like the way yiu have a plan an a willing to reassess it in 6 months.

I know when something happens that you don’t expect it changes everything and it takes a while to find yourself again.
Thanks for the updates.

[Guest_7403]

Fairly flat mood today, bit depressed I guess.

Its all well and good to talk to nice ladies on tinder etc, but it really makes me miss my wife. Dont really want to see anyone else...made a commitment for life and it just doesn't feel right to see someone else....I know that is stupid and completely irrational but that's how I feel atm

My ex (the nice one) says I just need to bite the bullet and go on a date...but I feel guilty like im cheating or something...its hard to explain

I also struggle with my profile, wording etc...ive never had trouble with finding ladies...but I'm better in person I guess...alot gets lost in translation online

[Guest_1643]

Hey Bordeline -

well done on trying to chat to them. I'm sorry you miss your wife so much - quite understandable. I do get the feeling she will come back at one point which might be confusing for u.

[Guest_7403]

Nah she'll never come back. She made that perfectly clear in the discard.

[Guest_7403]

Having a bad day,

Did two uni exams on the 7th...got results yesterday.

29/30
19/20

Comments from lecturer:

Excellent, you show superior knowledge of this subject. High distinction

It means absolutely nothing to me, if anything it makes me feel more alone and hopeless, angry even...what's the point to life when nothing makes you happy. Academic success doesn't change anything.
 

[Guest909]

Hi TBL

I've had a couple of bad days myself.

When I look back, I can now see all phases of my wife's "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" - Idealization, Devaluation, Discard and Hoovering. I was played like a chump, and she had be believing it was all my fault.

We live and we learn!

Tomorrow will be a better day!

[Guest909]

Mate, there is no "quick fix"- you know that.

One step at a time!

[quirkywords]

Hi just wondering how your life is going.

I agree that academic success does not mean much if you are suffering in other areas of your life.

[ecomama]

Congratulations on the AWESOME marks in your Uni exams!!

That's amazing.

All things like this are in your "kit" to move forward.

Looking at what you HAVE now instead of constantly looking back is the only way to move forward.

There's a while where truly committed people "hover" with those feelings you're having.
Your commitment was deep but simply put, others may not be this way at all (proven daily).

Getting through this time on to the "other side" where you're free of all this is a really good aim.

Do you have a good Counsellor or psych to help you too?

I look back and don't know what I was even thinking, trying to keep such a horrible relationship going in my last marriage.
It was HELL compared to my sweet life now.

You'll get there.

EM