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Ex dating a guy we know....

Community Member
Hi All,
mid last year my wife and i decided to separate as things werent exciting and was no spark it was hard at the time but this has been fantastic for me as i have really moved on with my life and am finding out more about myself. we have 2 boys 3 and 6 and they have adjusted very well to the separate lives we now have but we have such a better bond than ever before.
My ex and i have been getting on very well and its been quite easy minus a few hiccups but we resolved them.
so the question i put to you, is she has just told me last week that she is dating a guy that she used to work with from her last job, this guy comes to our kids birthday parties with his little girl, i quite like the guy and we get on well and always have, but i cant help but feel like there was something there before we split, although i truly believe she couldn't of had the time to have an affair as we are both quite busy at the time.
I feel very dissapointed that she has gone to him to start dating as it has really hit me making me feel like i was an idiot if there was anything going on. ( ranting a bit)
how can i get rid of this feeling that im having, im not losing sleep over it, i just think about it all day, when im awake.
she assures me nothing happened before the split. but ya know! who truly knows and i wont ever.
moving forward though, what are some guidelines i should implement, im not ready to have my fatherhood challenged just yet.
I want to put some expectations forward to my ex like, id like it if you see him outside of the time with the kids for now as to not confuse the kids, of course im sure they will be together and logically the kids will be more involved later.

im just in a weird space, im fully ok with them being together, i have no love for her in that respect and i dont mind him.
i understand that it was going to happen eventually which im ok with.
Ive been on the dating scene and have met a fair few people as well, so i dont hold that against them as id be a hipocrit.

any ideas on how to just get over it as i know i should. I say i really dont care but obviously somewhere i do.
2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion


Thanks for starting this thread and sharing your story.

I understand as you have been getting on well with your ex wife that her dating now might be a bit awkward. Just as you were working things out another man comes on the scene.

when I first separated from my ex many years ago there were many months when we got on really well as we were not fighting anymore.

I think your idea of talking with your ex about boundaries is important as long as it is a dialogue.

it will take time to adjust but hopefully you will continue to be friends and continue parenting your children.

I think as the situation has changed when everything was going , you will need to deal with the changes.

Hi, welcome

Unfortunately, once separated adults can date whom they like. There is no obligation to consider the ex partner.

I match made a brother in law in 1988 to a single lady friend. So that lady friend and I were married to siblings. In 2008 we had both divorced them, we ended up marrying. Her separated husband was angry and told her to stop dating me, of course she continued.

Your concerns with anything to do with your children can be talked about. However out of respect, ask your ex how she thinks about the topic. She might take your concerns onboard and if do just thank her for that.

Best for your future