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End of friendship/relationship

Pols
Community Member
Hi there, sorry if this is in the wrong section or if it doesn't make sense. Even to me it seems a bit strange. Anyway I have been in an on/off relationship with the same woman for 25 years. We were married and then divorced (1 son) we then had a break then got back together and then broke up,got back together, broke up and the about 4 years ago became friends (without benefits). During this time we did not see other people. We lived in separate houses but would go to the movies, dinner and have been on holidays together. Recently to the US, Hawaii. Tasmania, Thredbo etc. We also went to a lot of concerts together. For my last birthday in March she bought me a mystery flight weekend away which cost a big of money. We went in early May, but when we came back she was distant and didn't respond to a lot of my messages. Eventually she sent a message back saying that she wasn't happy with where we were at and had decided that we both needed to move on. I did reply saying I understood,I'm still in contact with her mum and brother although not the same as it once was. She has now blocked me from Facebook and other contacts. I don't really have anyone to turn to, my family are all older and live far away. My friends (very few) also live away from me.I devoted everything to her and now that she's not even a part of my life I'm lost. I get really sad and down star times and then the next moment I'm upbeat. Any thoughts on what to do or who I can talk to would be much appreciated. Thank you for reading.
1 Reply 1

Neil_1
Community Member
Hi there Pols,

A trip in early May and after that things went sour … or not so flash. Nothing to do with the May trip at all, but did you get the sense during that trip that things were a bit ‘off’ and things weren’t ‘as they used to be’? Just asking to see if there were any warning signs in the lead-up?

Now with her saying that she’s not happy with how things are and it’s time to move on – to me is a strong suggestion that she is over having the plutonic friendship/relationship. I guess then the blockage from FB is a very strong sign that she wishes to have no further contact.

I can understand how you must be feeling at this point, as it’s happened to just about everyone of us (and on more than one occasion) and the longer this goes on, honestly the better it will be for you. Time drags in the early stages, but it does get better. I did like the part where you followed up after saying how sad you’ve been, that in the following moment, you can be upbeat, which is a terrific sign.

Am not sure whether you work, but is there anyone at work (if of course you work) that you could possibly have a beer/coffee and a chat with?

Also not sure of your location (and we don’t need to know) but is there anywhere you could go to join a club – any kind of club really? Something sporting, or activity based? Any hobbies, interests that you could explore doing again? Any kind of thing that can get you out and about (if you’re at the stage, where you feel you could do this - of course, it could still be a bit early) but to try something that you might enjoy. Anything really to help take the mind off ‘other thoughts’ and to occupy the mind. That’s where being at work can be a big positive – not often that is said, I dare say.

I hope I’ve mentioned something that might be helpful to you?

Neil