Emotional Affair or Friend?

[sad_husband]

Hi

Married with 2 kids. I've been an ordinary husband at times, and my wife has a history of depression and/or PTSD – not to say it is to blame for any of this, just relevant background.

Short story is that my wife became close with a prominent public figure a few years ago when we were having difficulties. I know of sexy pics and invites to catch up when she was staying in the city (unsure if sexual or not). No messages I've seen are proof of an affair, maybe because he was smart enough not to risk blowing up his career by leaving text evidence of infidelity (he is married with kids). She swears they never slept together, they are just friends, and that she isn't attracted to him.

For a few years things were pretty good. As far as I know, contact with her friend had stopped. We started to have difficulties again recently and texts have started again. Now they are using Confide to message, so it's very hard to know what is being sent between them.

I confronted my wife and was told they are just friends. We talked about it and agreed that it should not be secretive. Confide is used because in their texts they bag his opposition, which would be bad if it became public. As you can probably guess, she's still texting him all the time, and it's entirely secretive.

I think she loves me, and honestly aside from this potential emotional affair things are pretty good. She is disappointed in me for our financial situation (the cause of most of our issues), but all other indicators of a bad relationship aren't there.

I do think she has feelings for her friend however, and I worry that given he would provide her with financial security, that she is interested.

I know exactly how the above sounds. Please give my wife the benefit of the doubt in replying as I truly believe my wife is an honest, caring, and wonderful person. She is the most selfless person I know, and I don't think she would do anything to hurt me - but I can't stop thinking that I am losing her. Possibly she isn't even aware this may be an emotional affair.

Can anyone think of reasons why I shouldn't worry? Is it possible they are just friends and I'm not seeing the truth? If she is having an emotional affair, how can I "nudge" her into realising it so it can cease? Suffice to say I am on the verge of breaking, any help is appreciated.

Thanks,
Sad_Husband.

[Jay__Bee]

I know how you feel, with out the pictures something very similar happened to me over the past few months and mentally it has taken a toll.  I heard all the same things you have, we are just friends etc but not being upfront about certain things is breaking some trust. On the other hand everyone is allowed friends and don’t have to share everything with their partners so it just comes back to trust.  I have been previously hurt this exact way so I’ve had more triggers that have taken me back years prior in a previous relationship.

what I’ve realised I’ve never dealt with those issues properly and have now booked in for my first professional appointment.

I’m hoping that will give me some clarity.

[Kelly_T]

Hi Sad_Husband

I'm sorry to hear of your concerns

A couple of months ago I found out my husband was having a long-term affair for three years. One thing that I have thought to myself since then is how often I ignored the signs, it was all in front of me and I chose not to see it.

If you know of photos etc from the past, you should be careful. If she is hiding or deleting messages, you should be concerned, because if there was nothing to hide, she would not need to hide it.

I thought my husband was a selfless , honest person too and even now in his grief, he is a good person somehow, (in general), but good people are also capable of being self-absorbed and can get caught up without considering the real consequences of what they're doing.

Talk to her, explain that this is concerning, she should respect this if you do it in a non-attacking way. If he is such a great friend, have him over to dinner, not hidden in secret messages.

K