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Dumped by boyfriend, worried about his mental health, mine not doing so good either....

Community Member

Hi all,

I was recently dumped by my boyfriend very abruptly. I'm feeling awful. I knew something wasn't right with him, I suspected depression, he had quite bad mood swings and I never knew what to expect - it was hard on me. When he was good, I had a great time with him. I was going to talk to him about it but he broke up with me in a cold-hearted manner before I could and just told me to leave. I have since told him that I am concerned about him and tried to encourage him to seek help, told him that I would be there for him if he wanted me to be but he just told me not to message him anymore. I am still concerned about him. Despite how he has made me feel, I still care about his wellbeing (I accept he doesn't want to be with me anymore and I have no motive to change his mind) - is there anything else I can do? I don't want to be pushy.

This whole thing has had a really bad impact on me. Since it happened I can't sleep and I have no appetite. It was a shock for him to behave in such a way towards me. He had recently told me that I made him happy, but then said he's better off alone without anyone. It has triggered feelings of hopelessness, anxiety and depression in me. I felt them anyway, but this was the final straw that "toppled" me into feeling awful. I have been somewhat ignoring my depression and anxiety over some time now, although I have been seeing a psychologist which has helped. I'm now wondering about some medication to help me, as I have a lot of other things going on in my life at the moment/pressure on me. Does anyone have any advice for me, as someone who is nervous about medication?

Perhaps the worst feeling for me at the moment is loneliness. I would love to meet a long term partner to share my life with, but it just doesn't happen for me. I put myself out there, I date, and I meet men, but nothing ever lasts the distance. I don't force things or put pressure on things to be something that they're not. When I'm feeling good, I'm a happy, bubbly person. I feel I have a lot to offer someone, but it doesn't happen. I end up feeling lonely, quite a lot. I try to make sure I exercise and do things I enjoy when I can (I have a lot on so sometimes I don't have time/energy), to ensure I stay well, but sometimes it's awful coming home to an empty house and not having anyone to talk to about my day. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with loneliness?

Thanks very much.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Nzks17,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch. Breakups are awful and they can trigger such a massive storm of emotion that seems so incredibly overwhelming and leaves you doubting yourself for a while. I appreciate the fact that you still want to help him and ensure he's okay but I think you're best looking after yourself first and foremost, at least for the immediate future.

From my experience breakups can actually have some positive effects even if they don't seem obvious. For example, the breakup has made you examine your anxiety and depression and take action. I've experienced the same in the past - ignoring an issue that's always there until something like a breakup comes along to make it so much worse. I think you're taking some great first steps to address the issue. Also, medication can be a really helpful thing. I know a lot of people can be hesitant to start it but I've been on meds for close to 15 years now and when you find the right one, they're worth any minor side effects any day of the week.

Any about helping with loneliness....it's just transient. There's not a whole lot to do besides acknowledge that time heals wounds and we change and become accustomed to new things. It might sound sucky but it may just be a period of waiting and moving on. Aside from that keeping an active social calendar is great and whatever time you would have spent with him in the past, use that to spend more time in contact with your friends and family now.

Things will get better, it just takes some time and effort.