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dont know what to do next

Community Member
Last week I seperated from my partner of 5 years, this was his choice, I am completely devastated. I have been researching help on line and all I can find is the No Contact rule- is this the way to go?
63 Replies 63

Hello Happy,

I'm ok- struggling. I spent the evning with him last Thursday, and we talked, mailny about how to control my anxiety when I miss him. We left it that I would not contact him and will wait until he contacts me. That worked for 4 days, then I txted him. He was ok but he wondered why I did not do as I said. He said he had planned tp call me this weekend, so not feeling great. Just missing the hell out of him, so I will back off again.

Hey shazzy

I know how hard this is and I have been through it too. It’s so hard.

When I wanted to text him and tell him all the things, I would write it on a note to myself as it allowed me to get it out of my head.

I can’t say this is easy, lord knows it isn’t. All I can say is that it does not better and the loneliness does subside. If it’s any consolation I left mine alone after a lot of tears and anxiety. We’re talking and speaking to each other but I am under no false hope. I love him with all my heart. I know how you’re feeling xx

much love

- happygoluckymiss

Hello happy:)

Lovely to hear from you. I hope this works out for you, do you think your relationship has a chance? I feel in my guts it will for me, I have to remind myself to be patient, probably not one of my greatest assets, but I will keep trying, he's worth it. Please keep in touch!

Oh I know this feeling too.

To be honest, I love him and I always will. I would love nothing more than to spend every day with him. He’s the best human with the biggest heart. But, I can’t keep persecuting myself for all I did or all he did etc... If it’s meant to be, it will and if not I have the best memories and keepsakes of our time together. I still hurt but it’s getting easier to manage

I hope it does for you too!! I will definitely keep in touch- you too please 👌🏼

take care

- happy 😊

Hi Happy 🙂 Thoughts are with you that everything works out. I have had bit of a light bulb moment, and understand I need to look after myself, and probably should have a long time ago. So I'm going to try and put him on the back burner and achieve something each day, chat soon x

Hey shazzy

i am so happy that you had a lightbulb moment. I had one the other week and it was painful but necessary. I can’t remember if I posted it here but I was making a coffee, I was home alone and and I burst into tears, yelled out my feelings and then I journaled my feelings. It was a huge relief and release.

Focusing on you and making yourself a priority is the best medicine and learning to love what you do is a really good foundation for healing.

I’m proud of you.

- happygoluckymiss

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey shazzy

just checking in and seeing how you’re going? I’m a complete mess 😩 and my anxiety is out of control. I hope you’re fairing better than I am xx take care

- happygoluckymiss

Hi happy, Oh I am so sorry to hear about your anxiety, I'm pretty much the same. The other day I was in a meeting and just had to leave, didn't really know where I was going. My ex was in town- I have moved about 2 hours away- and it got the better of me as he didn't contact me to let me know. I ended up catching up with him and he said he can see a future with and he can see a future without me. So that didn't help at all. When he left town yesterday, I asked if he wanted to go for a coffee, but he said that he had seen me once this week, that was good, but that was enough as he still has things to work out. I havnt heard from him since- so just plodding along here, trying not to think about it. There was some mention we may do something on the weekend, but I suspect not, and am making my own plans.

How can I help you? Do you think you want to get back with your partner? Or is it that you don't that is causing anxiety- that feeling is just horrid, eats you up, plays with everyday life. Love to hear from you xx

Hey shazzy

I’m sorry for you too! It’s so hard when you love someone more than life itself and there’s that rejection or non-commitment.

I’ve said to him that I will always love him and always choose him and that I will always be there for him. I can’t turn it off. It feels like home with him. But, i can’t force him to be with me and I can’t make him magically forget all the hurt we caused each other. I did ask him if he ever loved him and he said of course.

I would choose him everyday but, as I said, I can’t force it. I love him and miss him. Just like you do with your man.

Thank you for getting back to me. I have had a few dramas at my home with family and I was lucky enough to house sit and so that’s been a blessing.

Sending you much love

- happy 😊

Hi Happy,

It seems there is a lot of love between you both, prayers to you that it WILL all work out wonderfully, hang in there and remember to give yourself some love. No, we can't control other peoples feelings or actions, but we can control our own:) But I lose it all some times 🙂 I'm just taking things day by day, and each day try and think of something good that's happened. Do you work? I work full time and that is a good distraction... until the weekend, then my anxiety comes flooding back.

Heres to us!! xx