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dont know what to do next

Community Member
Last week I seperated from my partner of 5 years, this was his choice, I am completely devastated. I have been researching help on line and all I can find is the No Contact rule- is this the way to go?
63 Replies 63

Thank you for your kind words, I just feel very low today, I smile and talk to people but its all so fake, I miss him so much, I miss us

I know this too well. I miss us too. I miss the familiarity. I miss the intimacy, the chats, the talks etc. I get it all too well. But, after a lot of thinking and working on me - I need to keep moving forward. This has taken a few months. It did not happen overnight. The time it took was horrible, the most intense pain. But, I got through it. I was standing in my kitchen making coffee and I was by myself and I just screamed amd cried and then I wrote a letter to myself i. My journal acknowledging that I need to forgive myself and I have a choice to let it consume me or to keep going. I am really thinking of you xx

- happygoluckymiss

Community Member
Hello, Bit of an update. Over the weekend we started to get on better, chatting, texting ect- and I felt there was progress. However- we live in a small town, and there is now a lady who has decided to become involved. She started saying she was on our 'Team'- but has now resorted to some very nasty texts- I believe she went and visited my ex yesterday, and I am unsure what said- but today he seems so down. I have told this lady to keep her nose out of things, and if I want her opinion I would ask. I smell trouble and have a red flag in front of me- does anyone have any thoughts?

Hi shazzy

thank you for the update and I’m sorry to hear of this lady - I call them Mrs Mangle’s as they meddle in others people’s business.

You have done the right thing by telling her to mind her own business. Again, I caution that you can’t control her behaviour only the way you react to it.

In terms of communication with your ex - there’s comfort in speaking to the one you love or loved. Just make sure you have enough in your tank to cope through if communication stops. That’s my piece of advice and you have a distraction action plan, otherwise you may find that your mind will wonder...

i am thinking of you. Sending much love and kindness and strength.

- happygoluckymiss

Thankyou- great advice- I don't think I do have enough in my tank, but am doing my best each day, feeling very low:(

You are doing your best and that is good enough.

My world has been crumbling around me too and it becomes complex and difficult when they communicate and want to chat and be friends. That’s where I am at the moment. He’s calling/texting etc and I am just being me and not thinking too much into it. I am trying (very hard and it’s exhausting) to put one foot in front of the other. I do love him still, I always will. But the grief and loss are still there - my world is just adapting and growing around it. Please keep chatting. I know it helps me too

- happygoluckymiss

wow, where do you get your strength and wisdom from? You are a beautiful person, and I have never met you! Grief is the word and it is eating me up, I have never been so lost and hurt.

Oh thank you and the tears have started! Your kindness is lovely. Where do I get my strength from? Well I don’t really know the answer to this entirely but I do know I have a choice. I can get up everyday and wallow in my self pity and let my MH control me or I can chose to acknowledge the feelings own them and then work through them. Last night a close family friend passed away in her mid 50s from cancer. This lady fought and had no choice - she was told you are going to die. I have a choice. I have myself and that’s it in this world. I must take every step, fight the good fight and make my life as peaceful and loving as possible and it’s not easy. There are days where I want to hide and sleep and not deal. But, it comes back to me having a choice. I admire your honesty and I know how tough it is to keep walking with one foot in front of the other. But, I know that through all of this - I will be a stronger person and be at peace with myself.

Take care beautiful lady

- happygoluckymiss

xox, have a wonderful day, your words are helping me so much

Hey shazzy

juat wanted to check in and see how you’re doing xx