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Difficulty expressing emotion

Community Member

My partner is very affectionate &constantly needs to be reassured that I want him.

I am the opposite. Physical affection often makes me feel annoyed & smothered. I wasnt raised with much physical/verbal expression of feelings. It makes me uncomfortable &feel foolish. I often feel as though there’s a physical block inside of me that won’t let me say how I feel.

I have no trouble expressing when I feel I’ve been treated poorly. After a few bad relationships I wont let anyone push me around again. But expressing positive emotions is a struggle.

After a rocky beginning where my partner was insanely jealous& controlling, we broke up& spent 6 months apart before trying again.

He has changed in many ways to better our relationship & work past his trust issues. But often I still feel undertones of accusations.

While I want to be with him &do believe we can be good together, I have doubts that I cant shake. Every time we have a minor disagreement it turns into a major argument, ending in him questioning why Im with him. I feel attacked &get defensive. I cant reassure him. Constantly questioning why Im with him makes me feel like he’s got one foot out the door.

I like my alone time. My whole life I have felt I’ve had no privacy & never was able to truly relax. Constantly living with people has been exhausting.

During our 6month split, I managed to buy a place of my own& am loving having my own space.

Since getting back together, my partner spends every weekend at my house & sometimes stays through the week as well.

We both treat & speak about the place as if its ours. He has keys & has left belongings there. This is ultimately where I see things going but I don’t want him moving completely in just yet. He always needs company and I value my alone time. I’m not ready to give that up yet.

He takes offence to this and turns the conversation again to why Im even with him at all. We have discussed children &marriage &all sorts of things. Yet he still constantly questions if I want to be with him.

I feel things are going really well when we are co-existing peacefully. But he takes this state of casual co-existence as indifference, because Im not showering him with attention &words of love.

I do so much to look after him & include him socially &consider him in every decision I make. He should see that I am in it &I clearly care about him.

I have battled with depression &anxiety in the past. I thought I had worked through my issues. But have I? Am I in the wrong?

10 Replies 10

My partner has terrible anxiety so at the moment he’s taking time to sort it out and we’re not together. Hopefully it will work out.

The big issue tearing us apart is that both parties need to be willing to compromise and work on things and that hasn’t been the case.

But I’m confident it can be done. You just have to communicate, work out what each persons needs are and compromise to find a middle ground that both are comfortable with. For example, if someone has anxieties about their partner going out partying, a compromise could be being supportive of the person going out every so often and the person in return sends a loving text and comes home at the end of the night.

I think you should both absolutely work separately with counsellors and if possible, come back together with shared counselling. You both need to address the root causes of your behaviour