Dick brother

[Yearnineteen]

Hey, 

Im not super close with my brother so while my parents were on holiday i thought id invite them over. I said come over what ever day at whatever time (despite my very busy uni schedule) he could chose lunch. My boyfriend stayed up all night making a brisket to impress him and spent over $200, only for him and his family on the day to say there coming late because his son needs a nap… i asked if he could nap here and he says there not coming because hes got his own family now, its too painful to see me and he doesn’t need me. A I was obviously really upset. Hes now coming over tonight and i dont want too see him unless he apologizes but my parents screamed at me and said i have to and he wont apologize. My mum started crying (playing the victim as usal) and said she will never do anything for me again, then my dad claims im threatening her? And says hes going to slap the shit out of me so i slap him first and he says hes going to call the police 💀 

Anyways what the hell do i do, i dont have anywhere to stay and cant afford to move out.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Guest_88288948,

Welcome to the forums..

Slapping anyone, whether it be a friend or family member is assault which is a criminal offence, I’m sorry honey,  but your dad has every right to call the police if he wants too….I read your post and it saddened me that anyone could slap their parents….They raised you, fed you, protected you while you were young…spent thousands of dollars on your education, clothes, food gifts etc….I’m sorry I’m speaking bluntly, I feel very strongly about physical violence towards another person…. I was the receiver of physical violence and no one should ever have to go through that, even if it’s just a slap…

When my children were young at the age they needed naps, I would occasionally be late for get togethers  or appointments with friends or family members because my children wouldn’t take there nap in a strange place…and if they didn’t have their nap they would be whiny and play up to much….Which not only upset me but also the people I was visiting…sometimes I would ring and apologise because I couldn’t attend….

I hope that when your brother and his family did come over Monday night that you all had a good time…and sorted things out…

Do you have any friends that are interested in maybe renting a unit or house together, that way you can save on rent, food etc…

My kindest thoughts dear Guest..

Grandy..

.

[Yearnineteen]

Ai simply asked if it was okay for his kid to nap at our house, like he has done multiple times so its not a strange place. Then he went off at me. Its deeper then you think. His wife had bipolar or something and decided she didnt want to come

[Sophie_M]

Hi Yearnineteen, 

Thank you for posting here on the forums, we are so sorry to hear that you went through this. We can hear how painful this situation has been for you and how it escalated into a physical confrontation. It sounds like you and your partner put a lot of effort into having your brother over for lunch so it's understandable that the way it played out was very upsetting for you. We’re so sorry you’re feeling this way, but want you to know that by posting here, and sharing your story with our community, you’ve already taken a big step towards feeling better.

We wanted to pass on some resources that may be helpful. If you did want to reach out to Relationships Australia, you can call them on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their pages, such as this one on communication in relationships.  It sounds like you could really do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. There are also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time. It may be worth taking some time for yourself and taking a step back at the moment especially if you feel the sitaution may turn physical as that makes it difficult to communicate. We want to remind you that if you do feel unsafe the number to call is 000.

Please look after yourself, we know you are busy with University and it may be worth taking the time to focus on yourself while this situation can cool off.Thanks again for sharing here. We hope our ommunity members can relate to your situation and that brings you some comfort through this difficult time. 

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

[therising]

Hi Yearnineteen

It sounds like a number of issues have finally come to a head, unless this kind of thing has happened before. If this is the case, threats, arguing and even physical assault has happened before, perhaps now it needs serious addressing, especially if no one's willing to tolerate it anymore. It definitely sounds like a tough challenge to be facing.

I can understand your upset, given your brother's lack of consideration. It sounds like you and your boyfriend went to a lot of effort, something your brother and his wife can't imagine. Perhaps he should have been honest in the first place and said 'It'll just be me coming' or 'I won't be coming for a meal, I'll just be dropping in for a coffee'. I think how we manage our disappointment and frustration can appear out of proportion to the situation. If we're passionate, confrontational when something needs addressing and won't settle for anything less than due consideration when it's warranted, we can come across as aggressive. How our perceived aggressiveness is met can definitely escalate things. If there's no one present to diffuse the situation, it can take a very intense turn for the worst. Sounds like maybe this is what happened.

Family dynamics can be so complex and be so hard to be a part of. While we can understandably be expected to take accountability for our words and actions, it should mean everyone takes accountability in a situation, not just us.