Desperate to be given a chance.

[Fragile16]

I may not work but I am very capable of paying rent and bills with no problems but continuously getting knocked back. 

After separating from my daughters dad I had to send my son (20) to live with his dad and myself, daughter (11) and our dog Bella have been staying with friends for almost 10 months. The ex got the house and was moving back in regardless if I had somewhere to go or not. Due yo no luck with trying for several months to get a rental I had no luck. Friends offered us a place to stay and that’s been great until recently. My daughter had been seeing a Pshycologist as well as talking to the staff working at her school. Things got really tuff so I took her back to the gp and it was decided she would go in antidepressants. 4 months ago she had a really bad day and went in to my room and found her packet of tablets and took quite a few. Spent the next 24 hours between 2 hospitals to then get home and have our friend basically go off at me for not preventing this and basically telling me to put her in boarding school. After leaving the ex’s house expecting to end up in court he has finally stepped up and is able to co parent. New routine that is the same at both places plus we talk about what’s going on and make decisions together our daughter has improved greatly. 

Forward to now and I am constantly getting messages from 1 of my friends in the house constantly on my back about parenting my daughter. Having to work around our friends means it can be hard at dinner time to stick to her times. Not always easy sharing a kitchen when it’s different meals. My anxiety got so bad I was getting bad chest pains and after almost 2 weeks I had just started to get it to be a bit manageable until tonight. The texts about my daughter routine started again. School holidays so she’s had a couple of late nights and a slight adjustment to her routine that her dad and I both discussed and agreed on. I just want to get into a place so I can focus on my kids and move forward with her routine without having my every move judged and my daughter constantly being judged for her behaviour. Doing really good with her routine isn’t enough as the friend expects her to be perfect. I’m looking at up to 6 rentals in a day and almost every day and apply for all I can but no luck.

[Croix]

Dear Fragile16~

Welcome back. If I remember you previous dog had passed away, so as a pet person I'm really glad you have found another (yes, I know that's a trivial way to start talking to you, however I think it is a big thing)

Now, you have my apologies for the length of time it has taken for anyone here to get back to you. Sadly the system we have does not always work as we would wish. Please be assured it is not you, not the subject of you post, just the system gone wrong.

You are having a very hard time, your daughter would be great source of worry for you (I've had a similar set of worries about a slightly older offspring) , and to be handicapped by not having your own space to give her the attention she needs in the way you would like can only increase your worry. I guess on the bright side she is not only getting medical help but also talking to people at school (a pretty good thing).

Do you feel the new co-parenting arrangement will be good for her? From what you say I'd guess she has more contact wiht her dad now - please forgive me if I'm on the wrong track.

It sounds as if you friend freaked out on finding out about the tablet incident and her initial reaction you blame you and push your daughter away to boarding school may be sort of understandable (though quite wrong and unfeeling) , however again it makes things more difficult for you

So may I ask if you have any support? After all no matter how much you love someone  nobody is in infinite source of strenght and it realy is necessary to recognize this and take steps to reduce the burden on you.

Support may be a family member or another friend. It might be medical assistance though an understanding GP, counselor or psychologist. If you are stuck why not give out own 24/7 help line a ring and see what the counsellors there suggest (phone  1300 22 4636 or web-chat?  They are there for people such as yourself.

I'd like ot talk more to you another time , particularly about how to ease your worries over you daughter and maybe get that friend off your back

Croix